noellekon

i don't know how to reply (still not sure of the journal config) but i wanted to thank everyone because he deserves the remembrance.

this is the first time that i've ever had a friend of mine die... and in such a way, no less.

my stepfather has been on the brink of death for a while as well and that's even harder- watching him struggle and hoping that maybe one day he'll get better... maybe one day he'll get over 100 pounds again... maybe he'll be almost the same some day... but it's a slim and weary hope.

i'm a naturally depressed and morbid person, and when you factor this in, it doesn't bode well for me.

because all i think about is wishing i could have somehow done something to make it better. that if i had done something differently then it wouldn't have turned out this way. stupid, i know, but it's how i feel and it just repeats itself over and over again...

i know that he doesn't have to spend any more days in fear again. i know that it's over now for him and he can be at peace. i know his life would have been a hard one as long as it kept on, even if/when he could have come home. i think in a way that maybe it's better this way, for him, for his peace of mind. but that's just consolation, really, justification that has no place with death.

and there's nothing i can do, at all.

i have a picture i want to post but i don't know how to...