nocut

Why is it I only ever update when I feel as though I have nobody else to talk to? Never when I'm happy (at least, truly happy...) or just after I've learned a new song on the guit-box, and I'm feeling all triumphant. No, only when I'm one of those skint, morose fuckers everybody hates to be around.

I feel like I've been hit about the face with a 2X4.

I emailed my ex for the first time in nearly four months yesterday. (we've been broken up for about two years, and I haven't really been right since.) I didn't take the breakup especially well, and I've had a tough time with depression and self-worth ever since. I found it tough to be around her, even though she honestly wanted to remain friendly. It was just too hard. So... I finally thought I had turned a corner, and wrote to tell her so, and that I'd like to try and be friends. (am I a sucker, or what?)

So, I got an email back tonight -- her first reply to me in over a year. It was very nice, but very business-like. She told me that she's glad I thought of her, but that she's in a very happy place, engaged to be married in a few months, and that I should understand why she wouldn't like to enter into any kind of friendship.

I replied with best wishes, and fare-thee-well.

I feel like I've been hit about the face with a 2X4.