I can't pass this off as mine... but I nearly peed when I read it, so here we go, a little pre-fab side-split from yours truly to the gang at SG.
I'm just going to get to the meat of this conversation...
Man do I love fuckin' Brunch with a mad freaky passion. Seriously, what meal is better? You might try tossing a few suggestions after reading this but God will strike you down as a liar.
A real brunch, and I'm talking real brunch, has no set start time. Brunch says "Hey buddy, no, shhh... shhhh... don't get up yet. You go ahead and sleep in your comfy bed. I'm just gonna hang out here till you're ready to get out of sleepy land."
But you also have to give Brunch mad props cause he steps up when he has to. Brunch isn't a bitch. He'll be all cool as long as you need, BUT as soon as 4pm comes around he'll kick your lazy ass to the curb. Brunch doesn't need that kind of bullshit. Brunch will be all like, "Fuck you man, I waited for your sorry ass for like six hours. You just go on and drag your pathetic ass back home to supper!".
Cause see, SupperIS a bitch. Supper (or Dinner for you hipsters out there) is glad for anyone to show up. People skip supper all the time. No one says "hey man don't eat that pie, you'll ruin your brunch" cause you know everybody will line up for brunch. Everybody fucks with supper, they don't give a shit. They'llbust into a fuckin' bag of Cheeto's like a half hour before-hand.
That's why Supper has to have all these extra "fixings" and "courses". Soup or Salad for your little bitch meal?
And if that doesn't work, supper tries to pull out his little ace in the hole. Dessert. Now I'm not knockin' Dessert, she is one sweet piece. I'm just digusted she has to whore herself out just so supper can get a speck of cred. Why is she with that lame ass? Hell, she even slums it up with lunch from time to time. She should get her shit together and see what brunch is all about.
And we all know what Brunch is about. Fuckin' eggs man. You set that up with toast and some kinda fried meat and you've got it going on. Can't eat the meat? Double up on them homefries bitch! That's cool. Can't eat eggs? Well then I'm afraid we have a problem. I don't mean to be a hater, but there is only one letter in the word Vegan that is found in the word Brunch, and that in N for "Not fuckin' likely". I mean no eggs? No milk?That ousts the Eggs Benny, pancakes, waffles, all omelettes, and Breakfast Burritto ( For all you Tex Mex fans). I mean even those tight assesthat like fruit and granola know to throw yogurt on that shit.
This brings us to the all day breakfast. This is deceptive. They offer you everything you would eat at a regular brunch but any time you want it. This isthe dirtywhore of brunches. The after the bar,stanked up boozy, no one else will have you "Hooker Brunch". That's right, it's cheap and nasty, and gives you that brief moment of pleasure. Just enough to keep you going till that next real Brunch.
And no one goes for brunch at 5pm . Those are just fuckin' Supper posers trying to look cool with a plate of eggs. If you see any of these motherfuckers, throw rocks at them. Hard jagged edged rocks, the kinds that leave brutal scars that will mark them for their shame.
I hope this clears everything up for everyone. Brunch is a meal to be revered. Jesus didn't rise from the dead to be some rebirth miracle.He just thought it was getting late, and no giant rock was going to keep him frommissing That sweet "Big Baby"breakfast deal at the diner down thestreet.
So good night friends, I got to go to bed. I got me a date tomorrow morning with some eggs.
(originally 'Rob's Rant' from buternutsquash.net)
I'm just going to get to the meat of this conversation...
Man do I love fuckin' Brunch with a mad freaky passion. Seriously, what meal is better? You might try tossing a few suggestions after reading this but God will strike you down as a liar.
A real brunch, and I'm talking real brunch, has no set start time. Brunch says "Hey buddy, no, shhh... shhhh... don't get up yet. You go ahead and sleep in your comfy bed. I'm just gonna hang out here till you're ready to get out of sleepy land."
But you also have to give Brunch mad props cause he steps up when he has to. Brunch isn't a bitch. He'll be all cool as long as you need, BUT as soon as 4pm comes around he'll kick your lazy ass to the curb. Brunch doesn't need that kind of bullshit. Brunch will be all like, "Fuck you man, I waited for your sorry ass for like six hours. You just go on and drag your pathetic ass back home to supper!".
Cause see, SupperIS a bitch. Supper (or Dinner for you hipsters out there) is glad for anyone to show up. People skip supper all the time. No one says "hey man don't eat that pie, you'll ruin your brunch" cause you know everybody will line up for brunch. Everybody fucks with supper, they don't give a shit. They'llbust into a fuckin' bag of Cheeto's like a half hour before-hand.
That's why Supper has to have all these extra "fixings" and "courses". Soup or Salad for your little bitch meal?
And if that doesn't work, supper tries to pull out his little ace in the hole. Dessert. Now I'm not knockin' Dessert, she is one sweet piece. I'm just digusted she has to whore herself out just so supper can get a speck of cred. Why is she with that lame ass? Hell, she even slums it up with lunch from time to time. She should get her shit together and see what brunch is all about.
And we all know what Brunch is about. Fuckin' eggs man. You set that up with toast and some kinda fried meat and you've got it going on. Can't eat the meat? Double up on them homefries bitch! That's cool. Can't eat eggs? Well then I'm afraid we have a problem. I don't mean to be a hater, but there is only one letter in the word Vegan that is found in the word Brunch, and that in N for "Not fuckin' likely". I mean no eggs? No milk?That ousts the Eggs Benny, pancakes, waffles, all omelettes, and Breakfast Burritto ( For all you Tex Mex fans). I mean even those tight assesthat like fruit and granola know to throw yogurt on that shit.
This brings us to the all day breakfast. This is deceptive. They offer you everything you would eat at a regular brunch but any time you want it. This isthe dirtywhore of brunches. The after the bar,stanked up boozy, no one else will have you "Hooker Brunch". That's right, it's cheap and nasty, and gives you that brief moment of pleasure. Just enough to keep you going till that next real Brunch.
And no one goes for brunch at 5pm . Those are just fuckin' Supper posers trying to look cool with a plate of eggs. If you see any of these motherfuckers, throw rocks at them. Hard jagged edged rocks, the kinds that leave brutal scars that will mark them for their shame.
I hope this clears everything up for everyone. Brunch is a meal to be revered. Jesus didn't rise from the dead to be some rebirth miracle.He just thought it was getting late, and no giant rock was going to keep him frommissing That sweet "Big Baby"breakfast deal at the diner down thestreet.
So good night friends, I got to go to bed. I got me a date tomorrow morning with some eggs.
(originally 'Rob's Rant' from buternutsquash.net)