noctem

Finally, a candidate I can get behind....

Introducing Raptor Candidate!



Des Moines, IA - Raptor Jesus announced an important endorsement in the presidential race today; he endorsed a political newcomer, a carnivorous bipedal lizard named Raptor Candidate. Many delusional voters thought Raptor Jesus might endorse Mike Huckabee, but insiders knew differently. Raptor Jesus lived epochs before "regular" Jesus, and thus he is far wiser. While Huckabee likes to insinuate he is running with regular Jesus' blessing, many have doubts.

Regardless, Raptor Jesus addressed an ecstatic crowd in the Corn state today. Raptor Jesus said, "I GR8fully acknowledge all the support I've received from u all. You're Dino-mite! LOL! As for the calls 4 my own candidacy 4 office, I humbly decline. However, I exhort you to give full support 2 my good friend, Raptor Candidate!"

Raptor Candidate took the podium and proceeded to lay out his platform; notable planks include:

* Extinction of the IRS
* Increased funding for NASA's Meteor Watch program
* An uzi for every man woman and child
* legalize the sale of babies (LOL!)
* Make CHATROOM the official language of the virtual U.S.

When asked about whom he might select as a running mate, Raptor Candidate was coy, but said he might approach "Chuck Norris" or perhaps H.P. Lovecraft's evil megamonster "Cthulhu."[campaign poster pictured below]. Norris is a known Huckster supporter, and Cthulhu, who has a notable following and is still technically in the race, could not be reached at his undersea lair for comment.

CBB will keep you posted on further developments from the "Meatbags for Raptor" campaign.