noctem

My ex girlfriend is a whore. And no that's not a personal opinion or just some vindictive comment, I mean it in the most literal sense possible. She provides sexual favors to complete strangers in return for monetary compensation. What.The.Fuck.? And even though I left her over a year ago due to suspicion of this plus a heart breaking list of other reasons that I have neither the strength nor inclination to get into right now, this still fucking hurts a lot.

This really isn't news to me, I've assumed this was the case for a while now, but she finally owned up to it and admitted that this is what she's been doing. I saw her going through her bag and pull out a wad of cash that seemed to be $100's, and so I made a comment about that being a lot of money for a girl with no job. She said she was babysitting and I asked, "Babysitting who? Middle aged men? " Then I casually mentioned that I had come across an ad of hers and saw that she was up to her old tricks again, (no pun intended). She gave me that "whatever do you mean" look, and I just shook my head and told her not to fucking look at me like that ever again. So after a few moments she came out with it, with a slightly arrogant attitude. I asked her, "Do you ever just look at yourself in the mirror and think, 'My God, I'm a fucking prostitute'?" She said she did and I just stared at her. I didn't know what to say to that. She told me that of all people she thought I would be the least judgmental about it.
I just kind of laughed. Of course I'm going to judge her on it. I fucking loved this girl and she had no fucking respect for me or our relationship.

When I told her that, she got pissy and actually had the balls to get in my face. She said, "You think you're so much better than me," and I broke her off right there, looked her in the eyes and said, "I am better than you." I have never in my life said anything like that to someone, but I meant every fucking word of it. She tried to stare me down when I said that but she couldn't do it. She finally asked why I thought that and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, "I've never sucked cock for money." She sat there quiet for a second then grabbed her things and left. Oh yeah, this conversation was in the middle of a Starbucks by the way.

She really isn't a bad person, but she makes extremely bad decisions all the time. It's almost masochistic. I'm sick of trying to look out for her and keep her safe, but I still can't help but feel obligated to protect her. Even if it's from herself. I'm finally going to have to turn my back on her. I don't need this. I just hope she doesn't end up beaten or found dead in some seedy motel room. This is fucking ridiculous......