The war we live day to day.
Every day is a fight, some day its a single swing knock out. You dance around with your fist in the air amazed at how easy it really can be. How good the win feels, and how totally it wash overs you. Then there are those days that before you hear the bell ring ding ding, you cold clocked with a blind sider. Next thing you know is your starring up at the lights. Wondering how you go down here. Life is war, and if you don't keep your fist up it will take you out. Not the people in it, or the things around you. That invisible force that makes you fight. The trials and tribulations that no individual place upon you or control.
I've been having a lot of trouble lately. I don't know if it is the new city, the last of familiar faces, of the shock of getting back into school and work coupled with an extreme inability to maintain funds. This whole country is trying to stretch a dollar from a dime, and most don't have two pennies to rub together. I'm no exception. I'm definitely not the bottom rung, but some months it's hard to keep my head above water. I'm sure the rest of you can empathize with me.
But there has been one light house shining in this dense fog that has been my life these past few months. Her name is Hannah (nulla soon to be suicide girl and sooner hopeful check out her photo album in my profile), and she is one of my best friends......... she is my best friend. The rest a friends that come close to what she can do for me. We have a long and confusing and difficult history. But, not matter what happens to use. What ever the weather seems to throw at us. After the storms are gone, the wind have died, and the rain cleared away. We always pick up the pieces and start rebuilding everything back up. Don't ask me why she keeps by my side. I have many personal problems, emotional and mental. And my biggest fear is they will only get worse as i grow older as I've watch happen in my family. Sever manic bi-polar disorder, jealousy, arrogance, pride, and paranoid are all things I have watch destroy and infest my family. I know if i dont recognize and deal with these seeds of destruction, they will soon grow into something far too big for me to handle.
But that's why Hannah is so important to me. She's not just a friend and someone i love as a friend and so much more. She keeps me in line, she doesn't let me get away with the shit i pull with others. And she makes me a better person for it. When i have her in my life i feel like i can be proud of who i am.
I have other great friends that are loyal like a brother and honest like the lord himself.
Brad is that crazy old punk i know ill be stomping around in pits with till his osteoporosis starts turning him to dust. He's seen the darker side of life, from drugs to jail to worse. And has still come out of it all with a smile on his face and boundless love in his heart. I know if i called him tomorrow and said i need a hand, no matter what he'd jump into his car and drive the 10 hours away he is. And stick by my side till the problem is solve. He's my older brother that i have to watch like my little brother.
Scotty on the other hand, he's the cousin that just always hung around the house. Were polar opposites but find so many common grounds. I'm radical, adventurous, reckless, and a bit on the twisted side. He's the jock, straight laced guy that you wish you had his life. I'm the best man in his wedding in only a month, to the fiance' i introduced him to. Its a long story but after inviting and ex girlfriend i hadn't talk to in almost 3 years to go bowling. They never left each others side. And after almost 5 years together, they're finally making it official and tying the knot.
Those are the three people that i consider my family, that im closer to then my family, and are as important as any blood relative i have. But the closest is 2 hours away the farthest 10 hours. I'm stuck in a town with few people i know and even less i have anything in common with. But they're still there, in my lives and in my hearts regardless of distance. Hannah keeps close to me on an almost daily bases, which reminds much how much i am loved. Scotty is my gamer and loves to tag team with me newb punks online as we count down till D day and even close B day (BACHELOR PARTY!). And brad is the brother that keeps me in line and talks my ear off on the rare occasions i get him on the phone. He just got me through a really rough night when things weren't looking like they were really worth it anymore. I'd might not even be here today if it wasn't for that crazy goofy punk bastard.
I've been going through a dark dark time lately. Not the darkest, but close. And as i walked through this valley of shadows and death, i looked around and saw no one. But the irony is, in just typing this. I'm reminded that although i may not be able to see them or feel them. I'm surrounded with people that do love me. And as long as i have them then i can take on anything
But once i lose them SO LONG SUCKERS! lol had to add a little sick humor at the end.
Hope you enjoy the streaming thoughts of Neal.
Every day is a fight, some day its a single swing knock out. You dance around with your fist in the air amazed at how easy it really can be. How good the win feels, and how totally it wash overs you. Then there are those days that before you hear the bell ring ding ding, you cold clocked with a blind sider. Next thing you know is your starring up at the lights. Wondering how you go down here. Life is war, and if you don't keep your fist up it will take you out. Not the people in it, or the things around you. That invisible force that makes you fight. The trials and tribulations that no individual place upon you or control.
I've been having a lot of trouble lately. I don't know if it is the new city, the last of familiar faces, of the shock of getting back into school and work coupled with an extreme inability to maintain funds. This whole country is trying to stretch a dollar from a dime, and most don't have two pennies to rub together. I'm no exception. I'm definitely not the bottom rung, but some months it's hard to keep my head above water. I'm sure the rest of you can empathize with me.
But there has been one light house shining in this dense fog that has been my life these past few months. Her name is Hannah (nulla soon to be suicide girl and sooner hopeful check out her photo album in my profile), and she is one of my best friends......... she is my best friend. The rest a friends that come close to what she can do for me. We have a long and confusing and difficult history. But, not matter what happens to use. What ever the weather seems to throw at us. After the storms are gone, the wind have died, and the rain cleared away. We always pick up the pieces and start rebuilding everything back up. Don't ask me why she keeps by my side. I have many personal problems, emotional and mental. And my biggest fear is they will only get worse as i grow older as I've watch happen in my family. Sever manic bi-polar disorder, jealousy, arrogance, pride, and paranoid are all things I have watch destroy and infest my family. I know if i dont recognize and deal with these seeds of destruction, they will soon grow into something far too big for me to handle.
But that's why Hannah is so important to me. She's not just a friend and someone i love as a friend and so much more. She keeps me in line, she doesn't let me get away with the shit i pull with others. And she makes me a better person for it. When i have her in my life i feel like i can be proud of who i am.
I have other great friends that are loyal like a brother and honest like the lord himself.
Brad is that crazy old punk i know ill be stomping around in pits with till his osteoporosis starts turning him to dust. He's seen the darker side of life, from drugs to jail to worse. And has still come out of it all with a smile on his face and boundless love in his heart. I know if i called him tomorrow and said i need a hand, no matter what he'd jump into his car and drive the 10 hours away he is. And stick by my side till the problem is solve. He's my older brother that i have to watch like my little brother.
Scotty on the other hand, he's the cousin that just always hung around the house. Were polar opposites but find so many common grounds. I'm radical, adventurous, reckless, and a bit on the twisted side. He's the jock, straight laced guy that you wish you had his life. I'm the best man in his wedding in only a month, to the fiance' i introduced him to. Its a long story but after inviting and ex girlfriend i hadn't talk to in almost 3 years to go bowling. They never left each others side. And after almost 5 years together, they're finally making it official and tying the knot.
Those are the three people that i consider my family, that im closer to then my family, and are as important as any blood relative i have. But the closest is 2 hours away the farthest 10 hours. I'm stuck in a town with few people i know and even less i have anything in common with. But they're still there, in my lives and in my hearts regardless of distance. Hannah keeps close to me on an almost daily bases, which reminds much how much i am loved. Scotty is my gamer and loves to tag team with me newb punks online as we count down till D day and even close B day (BACHELOR PARTY!). And brad is the brother that keeps me in line and talks my ear off on the rare occasions i get him on the phone. He just got me through a really rough night when things weren't looking like they were really worth it anymore. I'd might not even be here today if it wasn't for that crazy goofy punk bastard.
I've been going through a dark dark time lately. Not the darkest, but close. And as i walked through this valley of shadows and death, i looked around and saw no one. But the irony is, in just typing this. I'm reminded that although i may not be able to see them or feel them. I'm surrounded with people that do love me. And as long as i have them then i can take on anything
But once i lose them SO LONG SUCKERS! lol had to add a little sick humor at the end.
Hope you enjoy the streaming thoughts of Neal.
adita:
waaa thats a great pic!