nirbhao

my girlfriend made me delicious eggs this morning. just the way I like them, with the yolks cooked just enough so they don't run all over the place but still gooey enough for toast dipping.

yum.

it's awkward when an ex mentions that he saw you with a friend, someone he's met on multiple occasions, and believes that person to be your new partner. especially when you're purposefully not dating. especially when that person rests her head on someone else's shoulder in the quiet moments of the evening.

really, I don't mean what I say. it's all just a lie.

one day I will be able to go to a wedding and not be reminded of the wedding I almost had. it's not all about me, you know. you think you hurt me so bad, but you don't ever get to be the guy who tricked me into buying my own wedding band. you just get to be the guy who pawned it for coke*. ftw!

goddammit I am so much more than a girlfriend (or ex girlfriend). I'm a banker, going back to law school, stroke survivor, ceramist, fiber freak, an artist who has successfully sold work, pet therapist in training, earned an fbi record in working to indict the commander in chief for war crimes in using depleted uranium in armaments and shielding technology, can cook a mean sloppy jane....

but instead I pine. I worry about whether the cut of my shirt is too low.

at least today I'm wearing a uniform.

I really am happy for the couple.

I really do hate the business of the party.