nirbhao

I am update happy. deal.

I applied to Cooley (the very-recently-ABA-accredited law school in town). I don't know how I feel about it. I loved law school. I loved who I was in law school. I'm not sure whether I'm justifiably afraid of everything or if my hesitation causes me to fail. I used to be so willing to try new things, no matter how scary. I mean, I remember falling one of the first times I skated on a quarter pipe. I rolled and climbed right back up to the top. I used to be covered in bruises but I never cared.

Listening to Corporate Gun is really weird, because it's my friend's voice. they don't have the song that really strikes me on that webpage; it's hostage. one of the members died not too long ago, so I don't think the band actually exists anymore, but I had my music on shuffle recently and I could have sworn Alex was talking to me.

I went to the carnival near where I work and took pictures. usually when I'm walking around with my camera, people do the pretending-not-to-stare thing and I generally get left alone. yeah so apparently the carnies want to fry me up and serve me for dinner. I was everyone's best friend, and everyone wanted their pictures taken. I actually bought some tickets so I could ride the ferris wheel.

the guy at the balloon popping game told me that I looked all sweet and innocent except for the tattoo on my wrist. I don't know how I still manage to pull off the sweet and innocent thing. I guess it's not that bad.

I was running some other errands, including and unsuccessful endeavor to get pants at the mall, and I ran into a group of people who were practicing for their encouragement class. the first set was two young girls who told me that I looked very spiritual and that THE LORD loves me. okay. the second group included tallandskinny, shortandplain, and oldblacklady. tallandskinny explained the encouragement class to me, and then oldblacklady told me not to be nervous about school. now, I appreciate that I look about school age and that the majority of people in school are nervous about it, but it struck me kind of strongly because that's been the biggest consumer of my emotional energy. I asked some more questions about their encouragement efforts, and shortandplain told me that these are things that aTHE LORD is telling them.

I went home sick from work yesterday and I didn't work today. I didn't feel sick or anything today, but I didn't feel like going. (there's been some bizarre drama lately) yesterday, I felt very sick. i honestly think I might have had a bad tomato, but I have a lot of doubt about which of my physical experiences are real and which aren't. I still have the flashy lights episodes all the time. this is what they look like:



and yes I did actually take the fifteen minutes to make that graphic.

okay, so it's not all the time, but at least a couple of times a week, which is a lot for visual phenomenon that has no explanation.

I'll probably go back on sabbatical with the blogging and all. I have mixed feelings about going on and on about every little detail, especially because when I stop feeling the way I did when I made a post, I want to change the post. it's easier when it's a picture or something, you know?

yeah yeah yeah I guess I just need to stop being so moody.