ohh woo-hoo today i am old. Spent last night throwing up and generally feeling like i wanted to die. This morning i felt no better - went to work and lasted til about 12:45, then i drove myself home being absolutely terrified that i was going to hurl all over my car. I think I love my car more than anything (yes that is super pathetic) it doesnt complain about what cd's i put on, it doesnt answer back, it doesnt go looking for a thinner driver, it doesnt smell when it hasnt been cleaned, it will take me anywhere i choose, sigh i love my car.
I came home and went to sleep. i have now had some prescription strength painkillers, and so i cant really feel anything im just light headed - which is good, my burn was hurting a lot earlier and i took another ear piercing out because it was so sore. Now im sat at home typing all this for no real reason, its not like there is any specific concern or interest. I feel like i could just give up so easily, yesterday for the 1st time i think ever, i realised that i didnt care what happened next, things can carry on without me and im not bothered, i dont care about not knowing. i need a new life, new place to live, new friends, need to listen to different music and place importance on things other than i do now. i need not to be me. i think that there should be more fat suicide girls - its quite disconcerting how alike a lot of them look. I feel whale like today, i should feel thinner what with all the sickness and not eating but no. i'm more than ugly today, i always manage to look wrong in some way. this seems to be turning into a post and a half (again why am i doing this???) there was something else i was thinking of, that i should write but it has escaped me.

The pic is from the cd cover of the broadways broken van cd. which no one on her knew, in fact no member comes up when you type it in the keyword search on hookup (apart from me obviously)

may 22nd possibly the best or if not that then the most confusing day of 2004.