Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

ninji

Member Since 2002

Followers 35 Following 41

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Sunday Apr 20, 2003

Apr 19, 2003
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
Am I dumb?

One of my newfound friends (as in a true friend) has recently had some success on the romantic front...I'm not jealous per se, however I had a fear that he would disappear for a while 'cause he's getting all this lovely attention.

So I wrote him this email telling him, "oh yeah, man, I'm gonna be off in space for a little while, so I probably won't see you for a few days." Like a dummy. What I'd wanted to write was, "how are things? I'd love to hang if you have time."

Am I a TOTAL ass?

Je-SUS Christ.

Meanwhile I have been connecting with people online here and there who don't give me that same kind of resonance. Good feeling.

Jesus, CHRIST I am dumb. Okay, YES, I have a small crush on him but it's tiny. I swear. Plus I know I am not his type and that makes it easier. It's not like I could say "if only I ____" it's like, I just know. I just adore him and I'm afraid of losing his friendship.

Oh, Jesus I am dumb. Don't mind me. I'm just working it out in the best way I know right now. All prosaic-like.

JeSUS...

I am in such denial. I swear, though. I want his happiness first. As SG's Dr. Balls so aptly put it, I am a "do no harm" kinda gal. He is one on a small list of a few small crushes. Each time I see him it gets better. Solidifies the purpose of our friendship. Solace of sameness.

It's tricky / trippy. God, that was dumb! Hm...I'll have to remedy this somehow.

"Oh yeah, dude, I really love spending time with you and how you value me as a human being and all, so I'm gonna go ahead and do the opposite of what I really wanna do. And while I'm at it, I won't call you too, okay?"

Jesus Christo (en espanol)....

Hm...

There is, though, the appearance of appearing like a big ol' loser. I know he's getting his sweet on and that's a priority. I would probably do the same thing n' stuff... So maybe I just need to continue to get my sweet on and not feel good, bad, or indifferent about being incommunicado for a little while.

Well, I know he'll come back around and we will connect--what I DON'T want to do is totally withdraw from one of the few people on the planet who inspires me, LIKE A DUMMY!!! Regardless, he is finding his yummy girls and even encourages me to keep trying. (Every now and then, silly, I give up. It doesn't last long but he's a great soul-uplifter). It's not like he's even boastful or anything (which of course is just all the more adorable).

I should have begun this entry writing: "Dear Diary: This is my first realistic crush. Bobby isn't into me, but that's okay. Still, his eyes, soul, smile, get me all dreamy and hopeful and optimistic. And gee, that's nice. So what I'm gonna do, see, is totally avoid his yumminess."

I am SUCH A PRO-YUM ADVOCATE! Nay, ACTIVIST! I must remedy my anti-yum behavior. It's unbecoming of a yum-seeker such like me.

More as it develops. No, his name is really NOT Bobby or anything similar.

Oh yeah, happy Easter and stuff.

-Be.
miao!!
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
ninji:
Thanks, darling SG kids. In the interest of a quickie post before dashing off, I also bid thee all a "HAPPY EASTER!"

and doesn't this kitty look like a bunny?
wuv
-Be
miao!!
Apr 20, 2003
_v_:
not dumb
you and your jesus
he he he
silly girl
Apr 20, 2003

More Blogs

  • 05.06.03
    10

    Tuesday May 06, 2003

    "dreams can be reality animate your fantasy and come with me you ca…
  • 05.05.03
    9

    Monday May 05, 2003

    treasured anectodes from the evening, most of which was comprised of …
  • 05.03.03
    7

    Sunday May 04, 2003

  • 05.01.03
    15

    Thursday May 01, 2003

    dammit--i've gone and done it. i'm in stasis. froze, kinda. it's temp…
  • 04.29.03
    9

    Wednesday Apr 30, 2003

    coming: (a matter of degrees) she's coming soon to visit me …
  • 04.27.03
    10

    Monday Apr 28, 2003

    Had a recent job change. There was a little vaccuum I must say. But l…
  • 04.25.03
    3

    Saturday Apr 26, 2003

    reality sets in like sun's set inspiration rises like sun's rise... …
  • 04.24.03
    10

    Thursday Apr 24, 2003

    anyone wanna go with me to Vegas? Club Paradise? (ahhhh, memories...)…
  • 04.23.03
    4

    Thursday Apr 24, 2003

    Not like y'all are following along in the nooks and crannies of detai…
  • 04.23.03
    8

    Wednesday Apr 23, 2003

    i don't do "sandwich." while i hear tell open relationships work,…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
25
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,600 SuicideGirls
  • 1,114,303 followers
  • 14,949,527 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,464,887 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo