Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

ninji

Member Since 2002

Followers 35 Following 41

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Sunday Apr 20, 2003

Apr 19, 2003
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
Am I dumb?

One of my newfound friends (as in a true friend) has recently had some success on the romantic front...I'm not jealous per se, however I had a fear that he would disappear for a while 'cause he's getting all this lovely attention.

So I wrote him this email telling him, "oh yeah, man, I'm gonna be off in space for a little while, so I probably won't see you for a few days." Like a dummy. What I'd wanted to write was, "how are things? I'd love to hang if you have time."

Am I a TOTAL ass?

Je-SUS Christ.

Meanwhile I have been connecting with people online here and there who don't give me that same kind of resonance. Good feeling.

Jesus, CHRIST I am dumb. Okay, YES, I have a small crush on him but it's tiny. I swear. Plus I know I am not his type and that makes it easier. It's not like I could say "if only I ____" it's like, I just know. I just adore him and I'm afraid of losing his friendship.

Oh, Jesus I am dumb. Don't mind me. I'm just working it out in the best way I know right now. All prosaic-like.

JeSUS...

I am in such denial. I swear, though. I want his happiness first. As SG's Dr. Balls so aptly put it, I am a "do no harm" kinda gal. He is one on a small list of a few small crushes. Each time I see him it gets better. Solidifies the purpose of our friendship. Solace of sameness.

It's tricky / trippy. God, that was dumb! Hm...I'll have to remedy this somehow.

"Oh yeah, dude, I really love spending time with you and how you value me as a human being and all, so I'm gonna go ahead and do the opposite of what I really wanna do. And while I'm at it, I won't call you too, okay?"

Jesus Christo (en espanol)....

Hm...

There is, though, the appearance of appearing like a big ol' loser. I know he's getting his sweet on and that's a priority. I would probably do the same thing n' stuff... So maybe I just need to continue to get my sweet on and not feel good, bad, or indifferent about being incommunicado for a little while.

Well, I know he'll come back around and we will connect--what I DON'T want to do is totally withdraw from one of the few people on the planet who inspires me, LIKE A DUMMY!!! Regardless, he is finding his yummy girls and even encourages me to keep trying. (Every now and then, silly, I give up. It doesn't last long but he's a great soul-uplifter). It's not like he's even boastful or anything (which of course is just all the more adorable).

I should have begun this entry writing: "Dear Diary: This is my first realistic crush. Bobby isn't into me, but that's okay. Still, his eyes, soul, smile, get me all dreamy and hopeful and optimistic. And gee, that's nice. So what I'm gonna do, see, is totally avoid his yumminess."

I am SUCH A PRO-YUM ADVOCATE! Nay, ACTIVIST! I must remedy my anti-yum behavior. It's unbecoming of a yum-seeker such like me.

More as it develops. No, his name is really NOT Bobby or anything similar.

Oh yeah, happy Easter and stuff.

-Be.
miao!!
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
ninji:
Thanks, darling SG kids. In the interest of a quickie post before dashing off, I also bid thee all a "HAPPY EASTER!"

and doesn't this kitty look like a bunny?
wuv
-Be
miao!!
Apr 20, 2003
_v_:
not dumb
you and your jesus
he he he
silly girl
Apr 20, 2003

More Blogs

  • 06.10.03
    10

    Wednesday Jun 11, 2003

    EIGHTY PER CENT OF SUCCESS IS SHOWING UP When you're sure you're o…
  • 06.09.03
    9

    Monday Jun 09, 2003

    :
  • 06.05.03
    15

    Thursday Jun 05, 2003

    can't explain how or why but i know that i am blessed to know you …
  • 06.01.03
    10

    Sunday Jun 01, 2003

    FIND MY/SELF COMFORTING - (story by Bella) More often than n…
  • 06.01.03
    5

    Sunday Jun 01, 2003

  • 05.30.03
    13

    Friday May 30, 2003

    FOR EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU part of me yes part of me no you're pa…
  • 05.28.03
    7

    Wednesday May 28, 2003

    "Be patient with all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love t…
  • 05.26.03
    7

    Monday May 26, 2003

    know you i know you you're hiding with me too waiting for the pl…
  • 05.24.03
    7

    Saturday May 24, 2003

    DREAMS OVERCAST peeking through my blinds i realize it's still ov…
  • 05.20.03
    19

    Wednesday May 21, 2003

    ADAPTATION "A peacock had wandered in from the marketplace which w…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
21
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,599 SuicideGirls
  • 1,114,613 followers
  • 14,946,853 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,458,366 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo