even if there were no consecutive ones, i've never had a *bad* date before. they've always been pleasant at the least.

tonight, i was stood up.

being stood up sucks ass. i can't recall that i have ever stood anyone up, either (culling through memory banks)--er, no.

the topper is when i got home, the guy was home. online. i IM'med him, like, "hey: you breathing?" and he told me he was "otp" (um. on the phone in human speak) and was distracted. i asked if he wanted to go out, the night is still young. "i'm kinda in for the night," says he.

youch.

dude says we were there at the same time, but come to think of it, i don't think that was honest. because he said he was outside the whole time. a little bit before the time he said he left, i went outside and sat there as well for about 15 minutes. soo.... er--wow. interesting.

so, that was a tough one. i guess it's a lesson in being egoless, yet still knowing my own value? i'm not sure. but it smarted like hell. he had approached me, ironically, to *go* out on a date. um.... the more details i unveil the more pathetic it will sound.

i'm sure i will sleep this off. meanwhile it's back to the drawing board. i can think of 3 choice boiz i totally adore, all are otherwise engaged. i must be setting up metaphysical traps for myself or something. hard to tell.

i had to be straight-up with this one tonight, folks. it doesn't yet merit a poem. it's just open wound time. SG is somehow my salve, ironically. just a healing well/wailing wall/catharsis place.

he had that air of being "distracted" when we were in touch before, but i thought, well, goodness, we had both set aside this time to meet, so let's. ah well. . .

if all else fails, i'm looking into opening a strippers' bar for blind people. that way, everybody wins. my nippies are extremely braille-friendly. they are VERY readable. hell, i'd be a charter stripper. truly, i'd be performing a community service.

strippers for the blind, people...that's a win-win proposition...

did i just type that out loud?

bella.