ninji

g o t m e o p e n

i can see it all now
they're going to rain through
they're going to parade through
i'm going to feel alone.

it's not your fault, but, rather,
my faultline.
my pattern 'cause i never take the shortcuts
or the night trains to my confidence.

i'm going to feel it, "missed my chance,"
not pert
or
girl enough.

you'll be a dear like you always are
it won't be your fault.
it never was,
or his before yours.
it's not your fault,
it's just my faultline
psyche breaking

never taking better care of myself
so's that when a bloke such like you
comes into view
i'm all ready and receptive
in the right-fit way

i can see it all now.
they'll come prancing through
raining all through
they'll sit polite and delicate
they'll be tomboyish just enough to have an edge
they'll be smart as hell, witty even
and just as benevolent as you

i'll live dying
always missing
missing my chance
always missing

no i can't see it at all now
i don't want to see it not this time
running in my dreams i am running
far far away
tripping and bumbling fumbling and falling
all along the bott's dots on the road

eyes closed in the middle turn lane
ears plugged standing shaking on the divider
mouth taped shut for fear i'll misstep suddenly uncool
trying to take it easy

see no speak no hear no evil
i will set this aright in mind
send the damned-ass expectations packing

at the end of they day you're as dear to me
as a tonkinese cat, and i'll meow back to you,
just like that

at the end of the day, see, you're a bookmark
to the things that make me smile
that keep my heart warm
holding my place for that "extra something better"
there's no way i'd stand in your way of
your yummy delicious.

there's no way.

3 10 03
ji