a lot of what's been holding me back has been trying to be all Nancy Drew:
trying to say, "no, look--look, they really are lying! they really did do this!" (the character/s playing "they" changes with each new life pattern).
trying to say: "no, i really AM good. and a good person."
trying to say: "yes, i am as worthy as deserving as you." (but with an angry, frustrated, efforting, sad-filled energy. cat chasing its own tail)
trying to say: "but don't my qualities trump that hot hot hot girl over there? and there? and there?" (i know i am atypically hot, but atypically hot items usually reside on the shelves until they collect dust. and then not only are they atypical, they are hard to see and covered up. and they're never taken out.)
trying to say: "there's got to be a better way for me to go about this. but i don't feel safe to dialogue with you about it. 'cause you won't hear me and will most probably hurt me. so i just won't say anything."
trying to say: "please do not attack me."
the problem with avoidant or deflective energy is, the universe IS ALWAYS LISTENING. and it does what we ask, or tell it to do. when you say "DO NOT HURT ME," all the universe hears is "HURT ME." the universe is affirmative. not negative. when you say "DO NOT LET ME SEE THIS PATTERN AGAIN," the universal subconscious, and your subconscious, hears: "LET ME SEE THE PATTERN AGAIN."
best to take yourself out of the game. let life prove what it needs to for others. this is not "To Kill a Mockingbird," and you are not Gregory Peck.
For me, I know it comes from a sense of needing things to be fair, and just, because of many unfair and unjust things I have encountered all my life. It's a diminishing returns deal for me to try to resolve these issues for myself interpersonally by proving such things to others.
There will always be haters and mockers (no, not "mod rockers") and cockblockers and it's best to just fly above as strongly as possible. Ignore the gossip and 3rdhand infos folks let fly about in regard to you.
There are no bad guys. Just people who make a lot of bad/dumb/stupid choices. Then folks can be kinda toxic for your spirit. And all you have to do is abstain. The person can be in the same space as you, but you do not have to imbibe. Do not have to plug into their energy. Do not have to prove or disprove anything. Best to spend that energy working on flowering your own self-love-thoughts. LET ME SEE A NEW PATTERN. THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS "HURT ME." I DON'T ALLOW PEOPLE TO "HURT ME." It's all something I learn from. I may "feel hurt," but me, as a definition, I am not "hurt."
I'm just an eternally cool spirit is all. Just a divine diva.
trying to say, "no, look--look, they really are lying! they really did do this!" (the character/s playing "they" changes with each new life pattern).
trying to say: "no, i really AM good. and a good person."
trying to say: "yes, i am as worthy as deserving as you." (but with an angry, frustrated, efforting, sad-filled energy. cat chasing its own tail)
trying to say: "but don't my qualities trump that hot hot hot girl over there? and there? and there?" (i know i am atypically hot, but atypically hot items usually reside on the shelves until they collect dust. and then not only are they atypical, they are hard to see and covered up. and they're never taken out.)
trying to say: "there's got to be a better way for me to go about this. but i don't feel safe to dialogue with you about it. 'cause you won't hear me and will most probably hurt me. so i just won't say anything."
trying to say: "please do not attack me."
the problem with avoidant or deflective energy is, the universe IS ALWAYS LISTENING. and it does what we ask, or tell it to do. when you say "DO NOT HURT ME," all the universe hears is "HURT ME." the universe is affirmative. not negative. when you say "DO NOT LET ME SEE THIS PATTERN AGAIN," the universal subconscious, and your subconscious, hears: "LET ME SEE THE PATTERN AGAIN."
best to take yourself out of the game. let life prove what it needs to for others. this is not "To Kill a Mockingbird," and you are not Gregory Peck.
For me, I know it comes from a sense of needing things to be fair, and just, because of many unfair and unjust things I have encountered all my life. It's a diminishing returns deal for me to try to resolve these issues for myself interpersonally by proving such things to others.
There will always be haters and mockers (no, not "mod rockers") and cockblockers and it's best to just fly above as strongly as possible. Ignore the gossip and 3rdhand infos folks let fly about in regard to you.
There are no bad guys. Just people who make a lot of bad/dumb/stupid choices. Then folks can be kinda toxic for your spirit. And all you have to do is abstain. The person can be in the same space as you, but you do not have to imbibe. Do not have to plug into their energy. Do not have to prove or disprove anything. Best to spend that energy working on flowering your own self-love-thoughts. LET ME SEE A NEW PATTERN. THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS "HURT ME." I DON'T ALLOW PEOPLE TO "HURT ME." It's all something I learn from. I may "feel hurt," but me, as a definition, I am not "hurt."
I'm just an eternally cool spirit is all. Just a divine diva.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
ericj:
Back at ya'. Good entry, I have to go think now.
Back at ya'. Good entry, I have to go think now. 
suoda:
eternally cool indeed. especially since you named the a cappella Suzanne Vega tune. she is ubercool to the extreme. I am constantly drooling over her 'Nine Objects of Desire' album. yea, if you dig up that Nels Cline interview, i would LOVE to hear more about it. sounds so fascinating.