ninjapuffs

As of a couple weeks ago, my wife told me she was finished with our relationship.
I insisted that she was only feeling that way because of all of the financial stress we've been in lately. To prevent getting evicted (due to being too broke to pay rent & utilities) we're putting in our 30-Day notice at our apartment.
My wife told me that when that time comes we should go our separate ways. She apparently is not waiting until that time to do so. . . . .

First of all, this was totally out of nowhere when it came up in the first place. I had thought things were going fine. But apparently my fears of her trying to sabotage our relationship are real.

It seems as if she has actually been trying to break things off for awhile. She's just been waiting for the time where she can feel the least guilty for it. I wonder what she'll tell her family. . . . . .I wonder what horror stories she'll imagine up to deceive everyone into thinking that I am a terrible person and she had no option but to leave.

If only we communicated better. . . . .if only she spoke to me. . . . .if only I could talk to her and actually have her talk back to me and express what she is actually feeling. . . . . .but instead she's just giving up.

So, she's done.
She's over me.
She no longer feels anything for me.

I had asked if our wedding vows meant anything to her.
"They used to," she said.
"But not anymore," I stated.
. . . . .she didn't disagree.

I can't stand the fact that I don't get a say in the matter at all.
She's done, and I just have to leave it at that.
She can't be reasoned with.
She can't be bothered.
I'm just supposed to watch her leave and hang out with other guys. . . . .stay out all night. . . . . .and not come back home until late the next morning.

I'm supposed to be fine with all of this and not say a thing. . . .because she's through with our relationship. . . .and therefore, I don't get to know what she's doing or who she's talking to or who she's hanging out with.....

I no longer get to be involved of my spouse's life.

So, the past couple weeks have been total shit. . . . .it's now gotten to the point that my senses are dead. . . . .and now every interaction with her is like a smooth business transaction.

Emotionless.
No attachments.
Only spending as much time around each other as is needed.
Just getting what's necessary ( i.e. food, gas money, diapers for the baby) and moving on.

That's right. We have a kid.

We have a fucking kid and she's perfectly cool with the idea of divorce.

..................................................

We're currently down to one care since hers broke down, so I've been driving her to work to avoid being stranded at home.
While driving her around I can't understand how she can sit there and act as if it's a day like any other. . . .she talks to me like the tension doesn't exist. . . . . .after being shot through the heart with no remorse on her end I suppose there aren't any real emotions left between us anymore.

Nothing has been arranged for care with our kid. Who gets him, how often, and all that crap.

All I know is I want to be the primary parent. I practically am at this point. She's never home to take care of our son, and when she is home she avoids him. I don't get her deal. . . . .She says that she loves him, but her actions speak way louder.

I'm trying to get set up to move back in with my folks, but that will apparently take a massive lifestyle change.
My father refuses to let me move back in unless I reconvert basically. I've stopped going to church for awhile. . . . .I'd like to go back when I'm ready, but that's not an option if I want to move in with the folks. . . . . .Instead of going along with the idea, I've been stubbornly trying to work up a Plan B.

Nothing yet has been accomplished on that venture.




I am at the point where I don't know what the hell to do. . . .or what the hell is going on. I'm watching the world around me slowly crumble away from underneath my feet, and can't comprehend why. . . . .

I'm unemployed. . . . .Possibly about to become a Single Parent. . . . .Thousands of dollars in debt. . . . . . .and my Wife no longer wears her wedding ring............


It's impossible to get a job right now. I'm set up at a temp agency, and haven't heard back from them yet. When I call to see what's going on, it's as if I'm bothering them. "Look, we'll call you back when something becomes available."
I even went through the trouble of getting Forklift Certified, and I can't get a damn job. I hit up tow companies, and no luck there.

With all of the layoffs happening in California right now, It's impossible to get employed.



This is honestly only the short version of all the shit that's going down right now.

I can't think clear enough to remember it all at the moment.

I'm still reeling back from the shock, I suppose.

I just try my best to put on a smile every time my son looks at me so he knows everything is okay.