ninjaprodigy

So, general laziness that first week or so of Christmas break..except for work.
Then...just depression brought on by that inactivity..staying up late, waking up late..
Just starting to straighten out again..mm..about a week ago. Maybe I really should've taken a J-term..still another two weeks 'til classes start for me.

Of course, that inactivity and depression led to me being apathetic about switching or anything when I didn't get the time I'm pretty sure I asked off for for the CD party..Flaked on that..And then, looks like there's an event or two coming up I should be able to make. (already put in for 'em) so, that should be cool. Just wish I could make those Sundays more..kinda despise the drive from the 'burbs plus..stupid gas.

Umm..also watching some season 3 of Deadwood lately (*snifl* hope there's at least a DVD movie or something planned..really should've been a seaons 4, dammit) and..catching up on comic reading (reading Annihilation most recently since I've been digging Nova. Damn, Quasar got owned)
Also need to organize single issues so I know what I don't care about, know what I want trades of...Then need to figure out what to do with all the issues that're taking up room..

Also..just...well, what was it, about an hour or so ago? Had what may or may not be akin to a panic attack of sorts. Just...maybe. Actually, fairly likely: that part of this fear was seeing those damn mummies at the Field Museum when I was little. Having an idea of what happens to a body after it dies..what was that 3rd, 4th grade?
Anyway, that and...this past year, not necessarily people close to me, but I've been aware of the deaths of people who, somehow, have influenced me or brightened my life in some small way (Benni and Mike Weiringo being examples) who, you know, went before anyone expected them to, before their time. Then I found out this kid at work..maybe the day after he quit, he somehow passed away...
And hearing about crap, and maybe the farther away I get from 6/25/78, and..dammit...when I really felt this fear again, this fear that makes me squirm and feel trapped in fear of the inevitable..was of all things the end of some program I caught on NPR on the way to work where they were talking about Neptune, and somehow the sun got brought up and how it's suppose to expand and fry the Earth in billions of years...and I got to thinking about what humans would be doing at that time..and then I got to thinking about how I won't be around...ugh..and then I just thought about everything way too much for a bit there...
...and then..it just hit me again earlier tonight, and I'm sure it's something plenty of people deal with...just typing on about it to hopefully help me feel a bit better...
I mean, I know I just have to live the life I've got, make the best of it and all that. And...pretty sure I have faith in something lying beyond..but not sure anymore if it's because of fear, or because of some other feeling(s) or some combination..and...
...and I could go on and on I guess...just need to get this out somehow...at..eh..almost 7 in the morning...

...hope everyone's keeping warm this weekend. Gonna try and get some sleep now..