ninadelamorte

I had an amazing epiphany today. I had myself convinced that suicide was the answer I was looking for. It all made perfect sense. I had never felt so sure of something in my life.

This wasn't the first time I've had suicidal thoughts. I have a few scars to prove it. But I always manged to live through them. I always said it was because I never really wanted to die, I just wanted to end the horrid life I was living.

Today it was different. I was certain it would solve all my problems and everyone would be so better off without me. I was truly ready to die.

I was so calm and peaceful. I'd never felt that way my entire life. And somehow in that moment, I found a new lease on a life gone so wrong. It's not that I no longer wanted to die or no longer believed it would solve everything.

It's more like I realized I didn't have to die.

It's been a strange day.