ninadelamorte

OK since it's driving sarhag crazy Here's the story.

My parents were both raised Catholic. They even went to Catholic schools. When I was seven they had a family meeting with me, my two sisters and my brother. They told us they no longer believed in 'organized' religion and that they would no longer be going to the Catholic church (which was right up the street). They told us it was our choice if we still wanted to go. I think my sisters did for awhile but I decided I wasn't interested. I was already having issues with Catholicism and just prior to this I got into an argument with my Sunday school teacher (who was a nun) as to why Christ could walk on water. I was approaching the issue from a scientific point of view and was promptly smacked with a ruler and told that I was simply to believe this as a matter of 'faith'. So, I was cool with giving up 'religion'

Well, the reason my parents gave up on religion was because they start studying "the occult'. So I was raised learning to meditate and astral project. I learned how to 'scry' and use 'witchcraft'. Though it wasn't something we talked about outside of our home since back then people weren't very excepting of 'pagans'.

My mom always believed I had 'special abilities that my sibs simply lacked so I was given more 'instruction' then they were. Mom was pretty 'talented' herself. I can't say I get my 'talent' from mom since I was adopted but she always felt strongly that I was a 'gift' to her. My sibs are my parent biological children. They don't care much for me. But that's another story.

Anyway like I said mom thought I had 'talent' and when I was eleven she gave me her tarot deck since she felt she had no ability with it. Turns out I have a strong 'psychic link' with it. When I read the cards I go into a kind of trance. I've freaked out people with what I can 'see' through the cards. I'm not very fond of doing 'readings' it takes me days to get back to 'normal' afterwards and I stopped doing it for people years ago.

I keep my cards on my 'alter'. Before using them I always make sure they are all there and I keep them 'sorted' by the lesser and greater arcana. One day about 6 years ago, I went to use them for a personal need and found one of the lesser cards was missing. I freaked out. I thought maybe the little kids next door had taken it but I had no way of knowing for sure. They were often messing with stuff they shouldn't when they came over. But I couldn't find it anywhere. My other thought was a friend of mine who was always bugging me to do readings for him took it but he swore he didn't. It broke my heart since mom died just months before it went missing and that deck meant a lot to me for many reasons.

I would take it out often and check to see if I was just mistaken and the card wasn't really missing. I searched my room and house so many times for the card and it seemed to be gone.

I'm of the belief that a tarot deck must be given to you by someone to truly be affective and that deck was like a part of me. Sort of my 'source of power' and I've kinda been lost without it.

So Sunday night my son was working on some D&D stuff and asked me if my tarot deck had cards that he would be able to use for a "deck of holding" and if he could borrow them. He knew the deck was 'broken' and of no 'use' to me. I said, "Well' I'm sure I could find cards in the deck that would work for him and he was more than welcome to keep them as long as he promises to buy me a new deck and give it to me for x-mas"

I took the cards out and started going through them. And when I separated out the lesser cards into suits I noticed there was a cup card in with the wands. I pulled it out and looked at it. Holy fuck is what I said. Sure enough it was the missing card. I counted the deck three times thinking maybe I was mistaken about which card was missing. Nope they were once again all there. Oddly the card is slightly water damaged and I have no idea where it's been or how it came back. But I couldn't be happier.

It's like the strange gloom that been hanging around me for so long is gone.

Some of you may think it's all in my mind that the gloom is gone and maybe in some ways it is. The mind is where all the 'magic' comes from. It's just learning how to use it.

Today is my Mom's birthday. I miss her. Last year my Dad gave me her nativity set. We always put it under the tree and when I was little that was my job. Yeah even though we were basically raised as pagans mom never completely gave up on some things and she loved that set. It's very old and was made in Italy. He gave it to me a year ago today. So I decided in honor of her birthday, I would set it up every year for the 'holiday' and light a candle in her memory.