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In my reality, I wonder the purpose of it all. I stare at things vast and never really understand the meaning of why it is, was or could be. I wander in my reality to the extent of never understanding all of it. Why would there be evil at all? I question the purpose of things and the significance of my life and feel there...
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During the War, the Older Ones and Butches aligned with the Fates to irradicate goodness because of their love for Michael J Shreve. This should explain the pain of your experiences.

nimrod5:
They also infiltrated the Ages.