I look back on life threw out time especially more recent past. I'v been able to keep no one. From friends to best friends to girlfriends and lovers. They all leave. Maybe it's me. Maybe subconsciously I push you all away out of fear of being hurt. I have always been afraid of letting people in...but in doing so I cause myself that which I run from. Hurt.
Maybe I'm meant to be alone.
So many thought's echoing in my head. No way to release them. No one to tell them to. Not sure if I'd tell them if I had someone.
Even sleep is no release.
Its been said that sleep is the cousin of death.
I don't believe that. I feel there much closer. For anyone thats ever been sedated you know what I mean. Every night when I sleep my eyes close only to reopen unaware of any actual change in time. As if merely blinking.
I do not dream.
Maybe I'm meant to be alone.
So many thought's echoing in my head. No way to release them. No one to tell them to. Not sure if I'd tell them if I had someone.
Even sleep is no release.
Its been said that sleep is the cousin of death.
I don't believe that. I feel there much closer. For anyone thats ever been sedated you know what I mean. Every night when I sleep my eyes close only to reopen unaware of any actual change in time. As if merely blinking.
I do not dream.
I've said that more than once, aaand inevitably I change my mind. There may be a one in a million chance that there is that one person or maybe even two or three that we can connect with. Perhaps we are meant to be alone...but not lonely.