Warning warning the journal is going to be full of depressing stuff viewer discretion is advised inter at your own risk.
Fist off the good stuff, Im going to go to my governors school for the arts reunion I think. In less than a month it will be warped tour time, which is 2 days after my birthday. Me and a friend went to Newport KY a couple of days ago, there is this very hot girl who works there, she needs to be a suicide girl she has got long purple dreadlocks and the center of here nose had a ring and she just has that kind of stile.
Now this is the part of the show where things go down hill.
A couple of days ago I watched the butterfly affect the directors cut which is a very good move but it is so dame depressing, there was parts of that movie that destroyed me, parts that made me so sad, well at the end of this version of the movie he goes back and kills himself before he is born to make the life of the people around him better, kind of like the ending of Donnie Darko where he lets himself die to make every one else life better, all this got me to thinking would the world be a better place if I had never been born, would people be happier if I had never existed well I think the answer is yes, Im just some guy who people call when they have nothing better to do or if they need money. Im not saying that I want to die but on nights when the years of loneliness gets to be to much I pray for death to a god I dont really believe in, yes I know that is illogical praying for something I dont really want to a god I dont really believe in but it is what I do and I will probable keep doing it Intel things get better if they ever do.
I think my biggest fear is to die alone, but Ive come to realize that this is a very good possibility so I need to get use to the idea, but it is so hard. I know that I shouldnt need a girl friend to be happy but when you havent had one in more than 2 years than it starts to become a issue, you know if I just had a girl to cuddle with every once in a while it wouldnt be so bad but I dont so the loneliness keeps on building up.
You know it takes so little to make me happy; some of my happiest moments are when Im with a girl who I like and she gives me attention. I use to be abele to control my emotion I use to be a superhero no one could touch me not even my self but I let myself fell again and that was a bad thing.
Fist off the good stuff, Im going to go to my governors school for the arts reunion I think. In less than a month it will be warped tour time, which is 2 days after my birthday. Me and a friend went to Newport KY a couple of days ago, there is this very hot girl who works there, she needs to be a suicide girl she has got long purple dreadlocks and the center of here nose had a ring and she just has that kind of stile.
Now this is the part of the show where things go down hill.
A couple of days ago I watched the butterfly affect the directors cut which is a very good move but it is so dame depressing, there was parts of that movie that destroyed me, parts that made me so sad, well at the end of this version of the movie he goes back and kills himself before he is born to make the life of the people around him better, kind of like the ending of Donnie Darko where he lets himself die to make every one else life better, all this got me to thinking would the world be a better place if I had never been born, would people be happier if I had never existed well I think the answer is yes, Im just some guy who people call when they have nothing better to do or if they need money. Im not saying that I want to die but on nights when the years of loneliness gets to be to much I pray for death to a god I dont really believe in, yes I know that is illogical praying for something I dont really want to a god I dont really believe in but it is what I do and I will probable keep doing it Intel things get better if they ever do.
I think my biggest fear is to die alone, but Ive come to realize that this is a very good possibility so I need to get use to the idea, but it is so hard. I know that I shouldnt need a girl friend to be happy but when you havent had one in more than 2 years than it starts to become a issue, you know if I just had a girl to cuddle with every once in a while it wouldnt be so bad but I dont so the loneliness keeps on building up.
You know it takes so little to make me happy; some of my happiest moments are when Im with a girl who I like and she gives me attention. I use to be abele to control my emotion I use to be a superhero no one could touch me not even my self but I let myself fell again and that was a bad thing.
VIEW 25 of 51 COMMENTS
gogo:
thanks!
obliviousfocus:
its a good special 