nikhita

I'll give you one more time
We'll give you one more fight
One more line
I hope you're ready

Today is one of those days where you aren't quite sure if the breeze is just going to lift you up and blow you away. My favourite kind of day, things feel like they might be about to change. Maybe it's just hope, but whatever it is I am counting down days until all this is over. Concrete day for move is May 23rd, new contract is signed, rent is paid and keys have been handed over.

Today is my final french exam ever. After this I have only got my feminism and sexuality course to go. The freedom of summer is shadowing my heels closely now, though to be fair this summer will be different to the others of my life so far. No 6 weeks - 3 months relaxing and working at a part time job just to tide me over. This time round I have to be responsible and get a job with a proper paycheque. Easier said than done in the current financial climate.

Things have been a little tense and weird recently, I don't feel like I've been stressing out about exams, but then, I've been getting upset over the most stupid things which means that my subconscious has clearly been doing some work. My french oral went terribly, my spanish one seemed alright. The translation exam I thought was okay until I left and realised I'd made some really silly mistakes. The spanish language exam was...well, I thought it was okay UNTIL I found out after that one of the other classes had been told what was on the exam before we went in so now me and my classmates are at a distinct disadvantage. So french commentary and composition today, I should be revising my grammar because that is ALWAYS my weakest point, but instead I am sat here talking drivel just to reassure myself I haven't cut loose and floated away in the current. Change seems to be happening so fast these days that I can do nothing but sit back and watch in wonder and disbelief. Everything is moving faster and faster towards a crash. Maybe that's what we need to pick ourselves all up again.

Now if you never shoot you never know
And if you never leave you'll never grow

Tomorrow is my 23rd birthday. I have no clue how I got here, it seems amazing. 5 years ago I was studying for my A levels, since then I have travelled round the world, toured with some old old friends, done a university degree, started working in a record label and lived in a foreign country for a year. It'd be amazing to go back and reassure my turning-18-year-old self that it's going to be hard but worth it. Still when you're 18 you probably just want to hear that it's going to be an easy fun ride. Gloss over the bad or difficult parts, the bits that force you to grow. Well, I've certainly done enough of that recently. Just someone, anyone, teach me how to chill the fuck out and stop worrying so much and life will be peachy. Sometimes I wish Jamie was back.

She said "use my hands in your spare time"

Ah, and where is this even going. Maybe I'll have pictures for you soon, but the majority of photos are on my very old film SLR at the moment. Whatever happens, I hope I see some of you soon. And I hope you can forgive my continuing absence for a while as I get myself sorted out.