From an English primary school maths exam:
If Jane has 4 apples, and 3 oranges, how far south of Scotland is she?
(The Scots have a reputation for extremely unhealthy eating - well they did invent the deep fried Mars Bar)
Two galaxies go into a bar every night. The first night they were both immaculately dressed, but the second night one's shoes were dirty and the other had lost his tie. Next night one’s jacket was torn and the other’s hair was unkempt. Each successive evening their appearances had deteriorated somewhat and after a week of this the barman was very curious.
“Excuse me gentlemen”,...
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Two galaxies walk into a bar. The regular spiral galaxy and the barred spiral both order a drink. But the bartender only gives a drink to the barred galaxy.
The regular spiral galaxy says, “Hey, why didn’t I get my drink?”
The bartender replies, “You’re too young.”
Two galaxies walk into a pub. There was a “battle of the bands” contest on that night, but they couldn’t take part – they weren’t members of their Local Group.
Two spiral galaxies walk in to a pub.
One says "Two pints of bitter please."
The barman says "Well I'll serve you, but I'm not serving your friend."
"Why not?" asks the galaxy
The barman says "She's barred "
catrsis:
lol
Two electron neutrinos walk into a bar, and the tau neutrino says "What the hell happened?"
Вопрос на всенародное голосование –
Вы не против изменения Конституции РФ, чтобы Владимир Владимирович Путин остался правителем России на всегда?
Варианты ответов:
1. Нет, не против
2. Да, не против
Translation
Question for the popular referendum –
Are you not opposed to changing the Constitution of the Russian Federation so that Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin remains the ruler of Russia forever?
Answer Options:
1. No, I...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
shameless:
Безысходность конечно зашкаливает
nikberry:
@no_shame The word Безысходность gave me some trouble. I think your comment is something like 'The dispair is beyond measure'. Sorry if I got that wrong🙄.
A Mexican bandit held up a bank in Tucson. The sheriff and his deputy chased him. When they captured him, and the sheriff, who couldn't speak Spanish, asked him where he'd hidden the money. "No sé nada." he replied.
The sheriff put a gun to the bandit's head and said to his bi-lingual deputy: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell us where the money...
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