nik

First things first, video of me practicing some basic hoop tricks!



It's been a fun, but not so eventful summer. I went to Atlantic City a couple times, and a couple festivals.. But overall, I haven't traveled nearly as much as I'm used to. Although, I did finally get to see a sunset on the Pacific Ocean for the first time when I went to California. Also got to hang out poolside with 3 guys from the US Olympic Volleyball team.

Life isn't bad, but I feel like every day is a constant struggle to be happy.. Which is weird for me, because I'm generally a happy person and even when I'm not, it's not hard for me to suck it up, put a smile on my face, and keep trucking. I am after all, an Aquarius.
I'm becoming more and more detached from reality, from people. My friends are all growing up, getting married and popping out babies. It almost happened to me last summer, but sadly, it wasn't the right time and I lost the baby in October. My friends are all growing up around me, and I'm stuck in my own personal limbo hell. I have plans for my next steps in life, but I can't make any moves until next year.
I've met so many awesome people throughout the years.. But I haven't really connected and made any deep bonds or friendships. I find myself keeping people at a casual distance.. Like if I don't let them close, they can't hurt me. But I'm only hurting myself. I've always been independent, and enjoyed doing things alone, but anymore I feel so lonely.
The good that's come of that is that I've been focused on self improvement.. And self discovery/creation. But even long lasting close friendships have suffered. It's been hard for me to keep in touch. Mainly because I hate small talk. Also, I'm finding it harder even to communicate with people. Maybe I'm developing some kind of social anxiety. I still love meeting new people, but I never let it go past that really. Afraid that if I really get to know them they'll either hurt me, or my faith in humanity at some point.
Also, a lot of people don't know how to take my "detached" nature. I do not communicate my emotions very well, and I don't like to wear them on my sleeve. I come off as cool and distant, but I'm fiercely loyal, and I love free of judgement. The weirder you are, the more I like you. Humans truly fascinate me. As long as you have an open mind, and half a brain.. I can get along with almost anyone.

I'm at a weird place in life, at 24. Maybe this is a quarter life crisis. Who knows.
I don't know how things will turn out, or what exactly to do to fix things, hell, I'm still figuring out the whole problem.
So I'm just going to do what I do best. Stay true to myself, put a smile on my face, and just go with the flow.

I have tons of pictures, but as I'm currently stuck with only using my iPhone, I'm not quite sure how to upload.. But you can check them out on my instagram @nikdarling.
Also, meant to upload my hoop video directly to SG.. But that function also won't work using my phone.