wow. its been awhile SG. i'm sorry. i kind of lost sight of everything... even myself.
i've wasted the past year of my life looking for love... with the wrong person.
i've sacraficed and suffered so much... for nothing.
i was almost willing to give up everything... dancing, SG... he did not approve.
until he told me "it's not what you do, it's what you've done."
it is a job, and a hobby. and out in public, you would never guess my hidden side if you didnt know it already.
so, to him, thanks for wasting a year of my life when you knew all along it would never be.
thank you for judging me solely on stuff that has nothing to do with the person i am inside.
well i can't fix or change what you think is broken. i can't turn back time and undo what i've done.
and i wouldn't if i could. because YOU aren't worth it. and i see that now. just wish i would have seen it before i let you tear me down this much. you were so bad for me... but i loved you and i didnt see it. i wanted your love in return so badly..
but now, i just want to love myself again.
but hey, when you're at the bottom the only way to go is up.
at least i can look back and see my mistakes.
maybe i will learn from this.
i hope so.
i don't EVER want to play the fool again.
now, time to pick up the pieces of who i used to be... and try to bring that girl back.
so, i left toledo... and came home to my hometown for a month...
to be with my family and close friends who really know me, and accept me, and love me for the person i am... not for what i have or haven't done.
i'm starting to realize, that most people aren't good people.. maybe i should stop being so trusting and naive.
maybe i should keep a better eye on this heart of mine, and protect myself.
i don't want to be jaded. i want a kind soul. i want to treat people how i want to be treated.
i want only good thoughts, good vibes, and a positive attitude.
why do people find it so necessary to take advantage of the kind? since when is kindness a weakness?
i'm sick of lies, deception, manipulation... and no, it is not human nature, not everyone is like that.. because genuine people are out there.. they are just getting fewer and farther in between because of the people who use them, take advantage of them, and hurt them.
the sky is lightening up, and the sun is rising.
always a good thing to watch when you're starting over.
i'm going to hit this bowl as i watch the sun rise... and then i'm hitting the pillow.
i don't expect a lot of feedback on such a negative blog... but since i'm going to be back around SG after a break... i feel like i don't know how to start a new blog... especially since the last blog happened the last time he did this to me.. how to explain a new beginning, without first explaining the last ending?
i guess this blog is more for me... but now i'm back, and trying to be the girl i used to be... before i was all about making someone else happy.
xoxo
<3nik
i've wasted the past year of my life looking for love... with the wrong person.
i've sacraficed and suffered so much... for nothing.
i was almost willing to give up everything... dancing, SG... he did not approve.
until he told me "it's not what you do, it's what you've done."
it is a job, and a hobby. and out in public, you would never guess my hidden side if you didnt know it already.
so, to him, thanks for wasting a year of my life when you knew all along it would never be.
thank you for judging me solely on stuff that has nothing to do with the person i am inside.
well i can't fix or change what you think is broken. i can't turn back time and undo what i've done.
and i wouldn't if i could. because YOU aren't worth it. and i see that now. just wish i would have seen it before i let you tear me down this much. you were so bad for me... but i loved you and i didnt see it. i wanted your love in return so badly..
but now, i just want to love myself again.
but hey, when you're at the bottom the only way to go is up.
at least i can look back and see my mistakes.
maybe i will learn from this.
i hope so.
i don't EVER want to play the fool again.
now, time to pick up the pieces of who i used to be... and try to bring that girl back.
so, i left toledo... and came home to my hometown for a month...
to be with my family and close friends who really know me, and accept me, and love me for the person i am... not for what i have or haven't done.
i'm starting to realize, that most people aren't good people.. maybe i should stop being so trusting and naive.
maybe i should keep a better eye on this heart of mine, and protect myself.
i don't want to be jaded. i want a kind soul. i want to treat people how i want to be treated.
i want only good thoughts, good vibes, and a positive attitude.
why do people find it so necessary to take advantage of the kind? since when is kindness a weakness?
i'm sick of lies, deception, manipulation... and no, it is not human nature, not everyone is like that.. because genuine people are out there.. they are just getting fewer and farther in between because of the people who use them, take advantage of them, and hurt them.
the sky is lightening up, and the sun is rising.
always a good thing to watch when you're starting over.
i'm going to hit this bowl as i watch the sun rise... and then i'm hitting the pillow.
i don't expect a lot of feedback on such a negative blog... but since i'm going to be back around SG after a break... i feel like i don't know how to start a new blog... especially since the last blog happened the last time he did this to me.. how to explain a new beginning, without first explaining the last ending?
i guess this blog is more for me... but now i'm back, and trying to be the girl i used to be... before i was all about making someone else happy.
xoxo
<3nik
VIEW 22 of 22 COMMENTS
cigarette:
Well welcome back to world. Take care, be well.
_chaos_:
know its late, but i can kinda relate. *hugs* from a stranger.