Today I wrote a letter, and put it in a card with a small gift to end what was one of the worst/greatest, tumultuous, passionate love affairs I have experienced thus far.
Last night I said goodbye in to him in my dreams, as if everything were really resolved and at peace. Now, awake, I have done it concretely.
I'm crying and crying but I...
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meconqueso:
Stay strong. You've come a long way and are doing a fantastic job. Take another look at the poem I'd sent you. Other than that... take a nice deep breath... now exhale... repeat.
I said, "Now don't get you hopes up I could go back down again", but
My mom said "When was the last time you were happy for a week?"
"I don't know. I can't even remember."
Probably when I was twelve, a tomboy wearing hand-me-down clothes and not giving a second thought to what I looked like or caring what people thought;
climbing trees and...
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My mom said "When was the last time you were happy for a week?"
"I don't know. I can't even remember."
Probably when I was twelve, a tomboy wearing hand-me-down clothes and not giving a second thought to what I looked like or caring what people thought;
climbing trees and...
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Lovely weekend. BMX show Friday night with buddies from school. My crush attempted and landed three forward flips. Go him!
Went to my best friends house afterwards, unbeknownst to his girlfriend, who hates my presence near her boy (stupid girl), so he had to lie but we chilled and i guess I'm just going to have to deal with sneaking hanging out with him until...
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meconqueso:
A weekend of happiness, how bizarre. Sounds like a lot of fun so far. I did a bit of shopping myself today. No shoes though. I know, I can hear the girl in you screaming "How can you shop and not get shoes!!!!!"
my boy was sick today, I went to him with a movie and spent the evening cuddling him and trying to get him to eat something. But it was a good night.
Take care
my boy was sick today, I went to him with a movie and spent the evening cuddling him and trying to get him to eat something. But it was a good night.
Take care
It's all good.
Cuz I just bought some wicked shoes
Cuz I just bought some wicked shoes
meconqueso:
Sweetness.
Things are going good I'm happy.
This new guy and I have talked stuff over and we need some time to accomplish some of our own personal goals. We aren't going to pursue anything with each other except friendship for now.
...which is really hard for both of us hehehe because we really like each other, but it's for the better and I feel good...
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This new guy and I have talked stuff over and we need some time to accomplish some of our own personal goals. We aren't going to pursue anything with each other except friendship for now.
...which is really hard for both of us hehehe because we really like each other, but it's for the better and I feel good...
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meconqueso:
ahh party party sounds fun
Ah my V Day was interesting.
First we went to Pet's Mart with this guy's dog, cuz you get to take them in the store. Did i mention i really want a puppy right now? haha. So i was all happy and trying sweaters on her, but she's a little too big they don't make the cute ones in her size (she's the best natured...
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First we went to Pet's Mart with this guy's dog, cuz you get to take them in the store. Did i mention i really want a puppy right now? haha. So i was all happy and trying sweaters on her, but she's a little too big they don't make the cute ones in her size (she's the best natured...
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meconqueso:
Hey, you made it clear to the guy before that things weren't going to happen. Just because he wants it to and he's kind, doesn't give him a golden ticket to your heart or your pants. he needs to grow up. Relationships don't work when they are forced on one of the people in it. How the heck did he think that was a good idea? I mean, did he talk to his guy friends and they all said "just keep trying, you'll wear her down eventually" grrr guys (and girls(but in this case guys)) can be such idiots.
I'd say wait a while to give him time to cool off before calling him. he needs to do somethinking and reflecting and some stop-being-an-ass-ing.
you rock!
I'd say wait a while to give him time to cool off before calling him. he needs to do somethinking and reflecting and some stop-being-an-ass-ing.
you rock!
Last night I got a kiss that was a long long time coming
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
curss:
I'll bet...too happy to MSN with me?...still waiting to hear about your "Big" Valentines date...***snicker***
cadyn:
A wicked Kiss I hope.. Thanks for the comment you are very sweet. Hey btw I'm not an advocate of chaos either 
Hope you're not still feeling stuck. Whitby huh? I have friends there. Cheerio, C
Hope you're not still feeling stuck. Whitby huh? I have friends there. Cheerio, C
I had a horrible, horrible nightmare last night. It happens when my anxiety gets super bad. But I get all trapped in my sleep and even if I think I've woken out if it, I'm not, I'm just in another layer of dream or really confused. I hate sleep problems. I get really violent, gorey nightmares that are very disturbing to me. So this one...
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meconqueso:
my brother got nightmares like that when he was younger. the doctor called them night terrors instead. I've seen them from the outside and feel for you. BIG HUGS.
We'll have to work on some chanting for your anxiety. I sure that's just what it needs. Lots of chanting.
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Friends here in Florida are going to be tough to come by. The thing is, the people that I'm usually friends with are artsy people. People with different views on things. People who like to create things. The people that I work with are... rednecks. Very nice people, but rednecks. That, and I only really interact with one person my age on an everyday basis. The rest are 20 years older than I am.
Sigh
We'll have to work on some chanting for your anxiety. I sure that's just what it needs. Lots of chanting.
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Friends here in Florida are going to be tough to come by. The thing is, the people that I'm usually friends with are artsy people. People with different views on things. People who like to create things. The people that I work with are... rednecks. Very nice people, but rednecks. That, and I only really interact with one person my age on an everyday basis. The rest are 20 years older than I am.
Sigh
I want to and am determined to make changes in my life. I know what I am doing wrong, I know my role in what has happened to me, and I take responsibility. I have no regrets, and infinite forgiveness, sometimes to a fault. But I am only thankful for my experiences, because otherwise I would not be who I am.
I am just so...
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I am just so...
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meconqueso:
Getting the right kind of mail is a very exciting thing. My mom still sends me random little things cuz she knows I love em. Fire and puppy... sounds like a good time.
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf's a flower,
But only so an hour
Then leaf subsides to leaf
So Eden sank to grief
So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay....
meconqueso:
Ahhhh. lovely. Where did that come from?
nihly:
Robert Frost poem