fuck! so stressed and i am trying not to be but i can't stop it really.
i am working hard on a design project but it is so boring i want to tear my hair out.
i was so depressed for over a week, my mom knew the assignment was due tuesday and i didn't, i was so out of it. she didn't want to say anything to upset me, so she just let it pass.
i got an indefinite extension and i wanted to finish it for today, but it's a really big project. everyone else did it in groups but since i didn't know anyone when it was first assigned, it made no sense to be in a group. i still don't see how the project would come out very well in a group now, so i don't regret that decision one bit.
it's alot and i am about halfway. he's a horrible teacher at explaining things, but this time around i have it spot on. it's fucking good, i just need to get it done cuz there are other big projects due.
although most of my teachers are ok with giving me extensions, i don't want to abuse the privelage. I just want to get focussed now, i've pulled myself out of my horrible mood, and i am doing well. i just feel like i have gone from totally lethargic, to hyperdrive and it's all too reminiscent of other BP experiences.
*whew*
jon's surgery is today and though i am aware of it, i'm not really worrying about it because really, what can i say or do? but i was really bothered before bed when i was trying to fall asleep. i remembered him saying while we were together that he got a girl pregnant in highschool and she had to abort twins. he felt so horrible about it, he's been plagued since by the idea that karma will get back at him. and now he may not be able to have children naturally.
i can't help but begin to believe in the forces of attraction with your thoughts. because that is only too ironic. and the fact that when i was feeling like shit, i got a horrible email to confirm pretty much everything i felt about myself at the time.
so i am trying hard to think postively to attract good things in my life. it's hard to do, but it works, i know. all i ever want is for people to be happy. somehow, too often i don't include myself in that equation. life is always a work in progress...
NIHLY
i am working hard on a design project but it is so boring i want to tear my hair out.
i was so depressed for over a week, my mom knew the assignment was due tuesday and i didn't, i was so out of it. she didn't want to say anything to upset me, so she just let it pass.
i got an indefinite extension and i wanted to finish it for today, but it's a really big project. everyone else did it in groups but since i didn't know anyone when it was first assigned, it made no sense to be in a group. i still don't see how the project would come out very well in a group now, so i don't regret that decision one bit.
it's alot and i am about halfway. he's a horrible teacher at explaining things, but this time around i have it spot on. it's fucking good, i just need to get it done cuz there are other big projects due.
although most of my teachers are ok with giving me extensions, i don't want to abuse the privelage. I just want to get focussed now, i've pulled myself out of my horrible mood, and i am doing well. i just feel like i have gone from totally lethargic, to hyperdrive and it's all too reminiscent of other BP experiences.
*whew*
jon's surgery is today and though i am aware of it, i'm not really worrying about it because really, what can i say or do? but i was really bothered before bed when i was trying to fall asleep. i remembered him saying while we were together that he got a girl pregnant in highschool and she had to abort twins. he felt so horrible about it, he's been plagued since by the idea that karma will get back at him. and now he may not be able to have children naturally.
i can't help but begin to believe in the forces of attraction with your thoughts. because that is only too ironic. and the fact that when i was feeling like shit, i got a horrible email to confirm pretty much everything i felt about myself at the time.
so i am trying hard to think postively to attract good things in my life. it's hard to do, but it works, i know. all i ever want is for people to be happy. somehow, too often i don't include myself in that equation. life is always a work in progress...
NIHLY
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Ad also, you keep up the good work managing your mental state. You know I'm proud of how far you have come.
HUGS!