nihly

people at work and their misconceptions...

i got a not-very-nice end of the year review

not bad, just frustrating

and it got back to me that alot of the people i have been working with have been talking behind my back this whole summer... and making fun of me. for things they only have half the story of. because i have been told over and over again that i do not have to justify things to everyone, or explain myself all the time.

but then look what happens? the catty-ness of the park this year, especially with my boss, has me very downhearted. looking back at the beginning of the summer, i was so excited to come back and start work and see everyone again. but it has turned out to be a nightmare. i became the punching bag of the park.

so it's sad to find out even people i thought i had no problem with at all, flat out refuse to work with me. well, not that i knew of but i do now. and their reasoning is based on outside observations and not alot of understanding. it's just sad. sad that such nice people turn out to be so cruel, and sad that i may face a lifetime of this misinterpretation.

i am beyond frustration.

but be proud! i did confront, very nicely and firmly... "assertively" if you will, one girl who has given me the most grief and with whom i have to work my last shifts. facing that prospect was giving me a certain amount of anxiety, and so i sat down and talked with her at length and we seem to have cleared the air somewhat. at least to the point where i can work with her once again in a cheery, normal fashion. she still would not admit to some of the horrid things she said about me. but they are in the past, she said them on the spur of the moment, and she is not someone with whom i share my personal info at great length.

there are others who have been great, and very supportive who either don't buy into the catty-ness at all, or who really would like to actively end it because it makes them sad also and IT HURTS FEELINGS. remember, thos things called feelings? yeah, we all have them and they do get hurt and it doesn't feel very good when that happens. they have been great and trustworthy and we're all good. so at least i have some people in my corner on the defensive for me, trying to set the record straight.

because, out in the real world, i can look like i have it together, when i really do not. so people get confused. how is it any of their business, you say? well apparently it is, they made it their business. now it is my business to correct their thinking and remind them of a little thing called "empathy". not many can do it.

luckily, rob is a great support. today is our one month anniversary. yes i shall acknowledge it because it has been awhile since i have had the type of relationship where these things are acknowledged. and it has been great fun, i am very thankful he came into my life and has been very adamant about staying, despite my moods. i love him very much. i get the whole long weekend off this time around so i am off to his cousin's cottage once again. should be nice, the weather is supposed to be great. maybe then i can decompress again.

just to note, i have a very fucking strong work ethic and the things that came up in my review are debatable. i may have a talk with my supervisor/boss, as he has been himself somewhat judgemental and unfair. again, this just saddens me so. i thought he was such a great boss. i won't be working there again, that is for certain.

have a lovely weekend all!

NIHLY