i have been absent for a bit from my SG...
I'm lazy to type things, well this weekend anyways. busy.
I've been stable for a while now, which is really great. It's become really apparent to me that the trauma things are what sets me off these days, and mess up my moods. Any small event, thing, person, smell, any reminder and it's like I snap right back to worse times, and I react as such - space out, get really upset...
I have alot of ppl pulling me in all different directions and it's annoying. Well, vying for time when really I'd like to spend my time on the ppl that matter, my best friends. But I keep getting side tracked by ppl who don't matter as much, who are a lil' more pushy to hang out. This just keeps my pattern going of spreadin myself thin over a bunch of ppl who are more distanced from knowing the real me (and my issues).
So, sighs to that. Work? I've just been sucking it up and dealing with it. Whatever. My partner is good and pretty funny though. He's says things very seriously that he's actually joking about and then I think he means it, cuz I'm super gullable. We just laugh our whole night shifts. And he works well as a partner, we do things together really well. Hard worker!
I also have the opportunity to get away for four days to a cottage, Rob's cousin's, Cam. I've known him since I met Rob basically. He's pretty nice. We plan on doing NOTHING but laying in the sun, reading, and Rob's awesome dog Dallas will be there with us, too. And some swimming, and some drinking... just us two I think. It's during the week, so Rob won't be coming. So I'm going to put in for time off work for three days. It's only three, but two of my days off end up on the time when Cam's going. I'm taking an extra, 5 total, for a hosipatal visit and I don't know how it's going to go, so taking the whole day seems a better idea than switching a shift. I know I'll be stressed, I hate hospitals!
I had a really bad time at the bars Friday. I got treated like shit all night by guys as if I had the word "whore" stamped across my head...I just don't understand how guys get off thinking they can treat females so disrespectfully. My SIN and Debt got stolen and I got stuck with no way home except walking. I confronted one of the guys who'd been grinding my ass the most that nite, and then he got pissed and got in my face, being really rude. He and his buddy were propostioning a gang bang on me in the alleyway...(and that's just ONE of them) He may have taken the stuff from my pocket and tossed it just to spite me, because I kept sayign "no". I don't know.
But I walked home. The guys I came with dropped the ball and didn't keep me safe, they were only interested in fucking. And I got followed by a guy in a truck, and then later, a guy in his car who actually pulled up beside me and opened his passenger door and drove slow following me until I yelled and a car came up behind him. No one helped me, I had no money and no alternatives since ppl weren't home this weekend and I didn't have my cell for phone number, and walking home alone meant I had 2 1/2 hours to sleep before work.
I was alone for the last three days at home. Usually I'd appreciate the time, but these days I just can't take care of myself on my own. Like, I don't eat meals properly. I need help with driving. I don't get all my chores done so fast, and they really stress me out. Though my moods have stablized, my anxiety has stayed consistant. Not good...
My parents are home now and I'm relieved. Now I can get proper food and sleep, and get to work without having to drive and falling asleep in the car on the way, get my appointments dealt with...I can't even handle myself. Brutal, the coping is way down. But I'm working on it, I'll get back there again.
I got my hair done, yay. It looks like Nihly-styles again. I missed it. Colours
They are fun.
NIHLY!
I'm lazy to type things, well this weekend anyways. busy.
I've been stable for a while now, which is really great. It's become really apparent to me that the trauma things are what sets me off these days, and mess up my moods. Any small event, thing, person, smell, any reminder and it's like I snap right back to worse times, and I react as such - space out, get really upset...
I have alot of ppl pulling me in all different directions and it's annoying. Well, vying for time when really I'd like to spend my time on the ppl that matter, my best friends. But I keep getting side tracked by ppl who don't matter as much, who are a lil' more pushy to hang out. This just keeps my pattern going of spreadin myself thin over a bunch of ppl who are more distanced from knowing the real me (and my issues).
So, sighs to that. Work? I've just been sucking it up and dealing with it. Whatever. My partner is good and pretty funny though. He's says things very seriously that he's actually joking about and then I think he means it, cuz I'm super gullable. We just laugh our whole night shifts. And he works well as a partner, we do things together really well. Hard worker!
I also have the opportunity to get away for four days to a cottage, Rob's cousin's, Cam. I've known him since I met Rob basically. He's pretty nice. We plan on doing NOTHING but laying in the sun, reading, and Rob's awesome dog Dallas will be there with us, too. And some swimming, and some drinking... just us two I think. It's during the week, so Rob won't be coming. So I'm going to put in for time off work for three days. It's only three, but two of my days off end up on the time when Cam's going. I'm taking an extra, 5 total, for a hosipatal visit and I don't know how it's going to go, so taking the whole day seems a better idea than switching a shift. I know I'll be stressed, I hate hospitals!
I had a really bad time at the bars Friday. I got treated like shit all night by guys as if I had the word "whore" stamped across my head...I just don't understand how guys get off thinking they can treat females so disrespectfully. My SIN and Debt got stolen and I got stuck with no way home except walking. I confronted one of the guys who'd been grinding my ass the most that nite, and then he got pissed and got in my face, being really rude. He and his buddy were propostioning a gang bang on me in the alleyway...(and that's just ONE of them) He may have taken the stuff from my pocket and tossed it just to spite me, because I kept sayign "no". I don't know.
But I walked home. The guys I came with dropped the ball and didn't keep me safe, they were only interested in fucking. And I got followed by a guy in a truck, and then later, a guy in his car who actually pulled up beside me and opened his passenger door and drove slow following me until I yelled and a car came up behind him. No one helped me, I had no money and no alternatives since ppl weren't home this weekend and I didn't have my cell for phone number, and walking home alone meant I had 2 1/2 hours to sleep before work.
I was alone for the last three days at home. Usually I'd appreciate the time, but these days I just can't take care of myself on my own. Like, I don't eat meals properly. I need help with driving. I don't get all my chores done so fast, and they really stress me out. Though my moods have stablized, my anxiety has stayed consistant. Not good...
My parents are home now and I'm relieved. Now I can get proper food and sleep, and get to work without having to drive and falling asleep in the car on the way, get my appointments dealt with...I can't even handle myself. Brutal, the coping is way down. But I'm working on it, I'll get back there again.
I got my hair done, yay. It looks like Nihly-styles again. I missed it. Colours
They are fun.
NIHLY!
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
bridgetwnpeddler:
if nothing else at least your life continues to have adventurous stories... as long as they don't turn too sour it is still all good.
curss:
I think I've said this before...but you hang out with some of the worst fuckin guys...they're the types that me and other decent guys are judged poorly by...they're the reason gals think all men are assholes...you really need some new friends hun....