nihly

I am cleaning my room today. It is a day long project. I am normally a neat and tidy person (to the MAX), but it has been destroyed over the past month by a busy, working, tired, partying Nihly tornado who just can't seem to muster the motivation to fold laundry anymore...and I have way too many clothes, btw. Shoes and accessories now too.

I hung out with my best buddy Alex last night and my good friend Nick. We boarded. Well, really, I just tried to and looked like an idiot. Markoo (Mark, the boyfriend) came around too, as the opportunity to meet my friends finally came up now that Alex has decided to stop been strange towards me. Alex finally approves of a guy I am going out with...lol. They were also impressed with his riding. He's a pretty good BMXer. The boys said it takes alot of bails do get to the tricks he's doing. I really didn't like to watch Mark bail, though. They call falling "eating shit". I call it "bailing". Eating shit = just not right to me, haha.

I got stressed out driving as Nick is not allowed to drive anymore and Alex has no car, so I let Alex take over. He was having a lil' too much fun with mom's new Subaru. (his first time driving it since we got it after Christmas and I have seen him all of five times this year since the g/f kicked up so much fuss about me whenever I visited. Thanks best buddy....I am bitter, yes. With reason obviously).

We couldn't decide what to do. Three indecisive people in a car running dangerously close to "E" is not good, so we got slushies (which is the way to my heart boys. Love summer slushies. But Mark will have to figure this out on his own) and came back to my house. Started watching a movie, but I was spent at that point, having worked a day shift, been up since 6 am and on four hours sleep.
I was pretty groggy when they left. Apparently, they skateboard all the way home, which is pretty far but Alex said no worries, they had a good time. I really couldn't have driven them that tired anyways, but had they woken me up more, my dad could've AND gotten gas. (yes that's right, I don't pay for gas). But my parents don't seem irritated at that, either. So all's good. I woke up at 6 am with the TV still on and a really sore back on the basement couch. The good news is, at least I slept. Cuz I'm trying to kick the sleeping pills.

So two days off. Tomorrow I am supposed to been planning a date, but what I have planned is only weather permitting and the weather has not been so predictable lately. There was just a big storm yesterday, and so it's cooled down alot and is really windy and cloudy with breaks of sun. I need sun and no wind and warmth. Hence, why I'm doing indoor things today. But I've done the room, doing the laundry, and talked to other best friend, Amy.

I have had two packs of Captain Black's Sweets now. They really calm me down when I'm having residual anxiety. I told her about smoking them, cuz I miss her so much and they remind me of times with her (we didn't smoke them though, back then). I negotiated Mark from two more packs to five or until Amy comes home, because I don't want it as a habit, and he doesn't want a g/f that smokes (and I don't want to be one). But, Ames promised we'd smoke the last two together when she gets home.

I love and miss her so much, and I love and miss Alex so much and I'm workin hard on focussing more on the people that matter in my life and keeping in touch with them better. Since I blog on here all the time, I'm gonna cut and paste some stuff to emails for Ames so she can get the scoop on Nihly's life too. haha. And it's all good when she gets back, our future plans mesh well for next year and the whole being lonely for my friends thing will disappear. We've got some plans and I can't wait to introduce her to some of the new people I've met.

Vday, however, is not so happy... understandbly, now that my relationship status on Facebook has turned from single to girlfriend to Mark...and he won't admit it but he's being bummy. So I may just have to face the fact that he truly can't handle being my friend. He just keeps harbouring hope, no matter what I say or do. And even when I do shitty thing or we argue, it's like I can do no wrong, he keeps on liking me. But he means alot to me as a friend so I will be really sad to loose him. Time will tell.

But I'm doing good. I'm working hard at my job and therapy and I'm looking towards the future, trying to scratch off my list of summer things I wanted to do. The skateboarding, though, is going to take alot more work...but I don't even mind embarassing myself anymore lol. Mark says I look beautiful doing it...um making a fool of myself, that is.

Happy YAY!

Love, Nihls.

Curses, please adopt my kitty, Trouble. She is so sweet...I'll bring her in to TO for youuuuuuuu.