NEW NAKS ALBUM DONE> CHECK IT OUT "FIELDS OF FERNS" :
For those who can appreciate nature, nakedness and poetry all at once, check out "Field of Ferns" in my pics.
And if you can't read and watch at the same time, this is what I wrote, inspired because one day walking home I decided to take a route that I wouldn't usually go, and to my absolute delight, the forest had erupted into masses of green ferns. This brings back alot of childhood memories, and it makes me super happy.
Last week, hahaha, no mosquitoes. Not quite the case this week, but oh well. And bear with, I tried my best to take the pics myself. I couldn't get anyone out to photograph me, the people I trusted were busy
To their regret as well hahaha. I'm glad I shot them in enough time before they'd (the ferns) disappeared, because things are fleeting like that:
Caught in the Continum:
Fiddleheads unfurling
And life, it keeps on twirling
Along its spiralled course.
Nature, it rearranges.
Sometimes it's hard to accept the changes
As consequently, you transform too.
Rather than treat it as alarming,
Work at the disarming
Of your struggle for control.
They say, life it is a blessing,
And yet, it keeps you guessing
Just how this can be true.
Because, helpless, we go on turning.
And my heart, it keeps on burning,
Looking back in quiet remorse.
Except my future, it is bright now
When once, there were only dark clouds
Depressing all my days.
But if I keep on trying,
Fan the fire to prevent it dying,
Nothing bad will ever stay.
My yesterdays remain yesterdays...
Yes, I was down last night. Anxiety (long running, 2 yrs+ of GAD, meds for it) kinda returned and it was uncontrollable. I tried a bunch of things to battle it, or at least reduce it. I have tried hard to pace myself, I went to the gym, I tried to tackle tough things very carefully, breathing exercises...relaxing music.
I fell asleep to the band Low, which really is like listening to the same song over and over with different lyrics per song. I find them very repetitive. But there are two songs I like especially. I cried, but not for too long. Took a whole sleeping pill rather than half. I know I have to quit them, but last night was not the night.
I have accomplished what I wanted to on my days off, though it was all stuff "I had to do", not really fun stuff. So I have to keep reminding myself that I did ok. And, going into the forest was a good break, hoping to get back the elation I felt last week at seeing something so fantastic...It will be my new tattoo probably, end of summer.
Yes it comes and goes. But it doesn't mean the setbacks aren't frustrating and upsetting. I hate the feeling of anxiety creeping back, with me helpless to stop it. I tried to avoid meds that could stop it quickly, as I only have three pills left and I have to use them sparingly. But I'm going on my fourth day Oh man...Ok.
ENJOY!!!
Lots of Love you guys,
NIHLY
SIDE NOTE: I would just like to give big hugs out to the people on here who actually take the time to read my shit and have been so very supportive over the last year or so...you REALLY mean alot to me.
I am, slowly, getting better, yes. It is work. And I have used SG a lot this year as a place to vent, whether it be all fancy poetry stuff or just regular ranting. But it has been very valuable to me to have made some friendships with people who have been of great support.
Just because you are (mostly) communicating with me through the Internet, does not make your friendship any less real to me. So I am giving out and big THANKS! Just to let you know that in the mind of someone out there who is very real and existing in this world with some issues to overcome, that you are very important. And if you got all the way to the end of today's post, you can probably count yourself as that person. You mean so very much!
Lots of love to you!!! MUWAH!
7pm: Just out of session with therapist, and we got to the bottom of what was wrong. Now I am equipped with some homework that will help me moving forward...so no worries
For those who can appreciate nature, nakedness and poetry all at once, check out "Field of Ferns" in my pics.
And if you can't read and watch at the same time, this is what I wrote, inspired because one day walking home I decided to take a route that I wouldn't usually go, and to my absolute delight, the forest had erupted into masses of green ferns. This brings back alot of childhood memories, and it makes me super happy.
Last week, hahaha, no mosquitoes. Not quite the case this week, but oh well. And bear with, I tried my best to take the pics myself. I couldn't get anyone out to photograph me, the people I trusted were busy
To their regret as well hahaha. I'm glad I shot them in enough time before they'd (the ferns) disappeared, because things are fleeting like that:Caught in the Continum:
Fiddleheads unfurling
And life, it keeps on twirling
Along its spiralled course.
Nature, it rearranges.
Sometimes it's hard to accept the changes
As consequently, you transform too.
Rather than treat it as alarming,
Work at the disarming
Of your struggle for control.
They say, life it is a blessing,
And yet, it keeps you guessing
Just how this can be true.
Because, helpless, we go on turning.
And my heart, it keeps on burning,
Looking back in quiet remorse.
Except my future, it is bright now
When once, there were only dark clouds
Depressing all my days.
But if I keep on trying,
Fan the fire to prevent it dying,
Nothing bad will ever stay.
My yesterdays remain yesterdays...
Yes, I was down last night. Anxiety (long running, 2 yrs+ of GAD, meds for it) kinda returned and it was uncontrollable. I tried a bunch of things to battle it, or at least reduce it. I have tried hard to pace myself, I went to the gym, I tried to tackle tough things very carefully, breathing exercises...relaxing music.
I fell asleep to the band Low, which really is like listening to the same song over and over with different lyrics per song. I find them very repetitive. But there are two songs I like especially. I cried, but not for too long. Took a whole sleeping pill rather than half. I know I have to quit them, but last night was not the night.
I have accomplished what I wanted to on my days off, though it was all stuff "I had to do", not really fun stuff. So I have to keep reminding myself that I did ok. And, going into the forest was a good break, hoping to get back the elation I felt last week at seeing something so fantastic...It will be my new tattoo probably, end of summer.
Yes it comes and goes. But it doesn't mean the setbacks aren't frustrating and upsetting. I hate the feeling of anxiety creeping back, with me helpless to stop it. I tried to avoid meds that could stop it quickly, as I only have three pills left and I have to use them sparingly. But I'm going on my fourth day
Oh man...Ok.ENJOY!!!
Lots of Love you guys,
NIHLY
SIDE NOTE: I would just like to give big hugs out to the people on here who actually take the time to read my shit and have been so very supportive over the last year or so...you REALLY mean alot to me.
I am, slowly, getting better, yes. It is work. And I have used SG a lot this year as a place to vent, whether it be all fancy poetry stuff or just regular ranting. But it has been very valuable to me to have made some friendships with people who have been of great support.
Just because you are (mostly) communicating with me through the Internet, does not make your friendship any less real to me. So I am giving out and big THANKS! Just to let you know that in the mind of someone out there who is very real and existing in this world with some issues to overcome, that you are very important. And if you got all the way to the end of today's post, you can probably count yourself as that person. You mean so very much!
Lots of love to you!!! MUWAH!
7pm: Just out of session with therapist, and we got to the bottom of what was wrong. Now I am equipped with some homework that will help me moving forward...so no worries
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
vavoom. I grew a bit then.
I also use this place for a good vent. I cant use myspace anymore cos my mum is on my friends list haha. funny chicken. it's nice to be able to make connections with people all over the world whilst still retaining a feeling of anonimity.
i like your poetry also - like the word twirl - yeeah.
You seem to have a lot of tactics to deal with yo things - it's good to keep practical. I know that I feel best when I'm busy. no time for introspection and such.
anyway I'm going to do some looking at nihly cos she's kind of hypnotised me a bit.
yep