nihly

The list I said I would post of the things I should/want to do to better face my uncertainty. It is a work in progress...maybe post back things you want to try more too?

Make time for NIHLY, guilt-free
Start taking photos again with your lovely neglected camera (and film cameras)
Play pool, even if you're afraid you'll look stupid learning. You're learning!!!
Let your friends meet each other. If they don't like each other, fine. It's ok.
Learn poker, so you won't keep getting left out when the boys have "poker nights"
Wear shorts. Your thighs are fine. That boy from high school is long gone.
Let others help you when you need it, before finding all the solutions first, then coming to them and saying everything's ok.
Talk to strangers more, especially those you find interesting. Especially girls.
Make phone calls to friend's houses, not their cell phones all the time. You aren't disturbing anyone, and they aren't judging you.
Go to parties and mingle instead of staying in the same spot all night. No wallflower-ing.
Book you own appointments. The receptionists aren't judging you either!
Just drivejust drive
Speak up when you want to rent THAT movie
Plan vacations/ initiate hang outs first, yourself
If the bus drives past, don't freak. Just be late. Apologize later if necessary
Go visit your best friends, regardless!
Express yourself the way YOU want. If others can't accept it, then too bad for them.
Get back in touch with the people you miss and value the most
Draw/paint more. You'll gain confidence by doing.
Trust that you are a good student, and that you are smart.
Wear those fucking heels, wherever, whenever.
Dance at the bar, be it sober, or alone, and just know you're as hot as every other girl there.
Make more moves on girls (the first one).
Ask people out on dates yourself.
Be more assertive.
Express your anger/feelings when you are feeling it/them at the time.
Place necessary boundaries (physical and emotional)
Go to the gym and do the workout you want to do, and not always what the trainer says, he works you ridiculously hard. You're fine as is.
And you can eat what you want
Go to the concerts you are interested in, even if no one else wants to go with you. You'll meet new people there anyways. And you will have at least one thing in common
Walk more.
Explore/travel to random places
Allow yourself to consider other people's advice.
Swing off that rope swing
And jump into the lake! The fish WON'T bite and the weeds WON'T hurt you.
Don't be ashamed of your sexuality. And never be ashamed of you body.
Drive the ATV yourself, it doesn't have to be fastbut you should stop being afraid of going fast.
Play videos games, at least sometimes, even if you suck.
Play more sports. Learn squash/tennis better.
You can do that spin class. It won't kill you.
Buy the clothes you want, whether you have to occasion or not and don't listen to others.
Write as much as you want. It makes you happy.
If you want to skateboard, do it.
Pump your own gas. It's seriously so easy.
Finish those projects that got put on the backburner
Take your time. You have it, so take it and enjoy it.
Stop worrying about whether or not you are a good person. You are.
Some say perfect may not exist, but you are flawless in the eyes of the people that matter the most.
And you're not crazy.
Accept compliments. It's ok to be complimented.
Try new and different foods! Don't always wait until sister does it first.

This weekend I am going to VDay's Cousin's cottage. Bright and early tomorrow morning. No running water right now! Should be interesting. And we're going to sleep in serperate beds...because I don't want any "stuff" happening, because I don't want his friends to keep thinking I'll one day be his girlfriend, and because I'm letting him down slowly, since I still want to have our friendship intact in the end. I can't keep on with the same patterns, and I can't anyways because it's not ok with Crush. Although, I have asked for Crush to be patient, because things will take some time. And he was the one who REALLY wanted time in the first place. And now he's NOT going out to BC for four months to force time and space, so I have to work even harder to keep focussed on myself and my needs, without being side tracked by him. Yes it sounds funny, but I still wish he was going away.

Have a good weekend!