nihilism

As life has been going on, my teenage "angst" and my energetic youth mixed with wanting to go out every night and just do something have faded away into the boring 9-5 workday. I remember being younger and going "Dude...I'm totally not gonna do that shit...and I'm not going to college either...fuck that...". Well, one of the two of those happened.

Life just seems so bland and lethargic. I've found out that in order to feel comfortable and like things are going smoothly, you just gotta go with the flow as much as you can. My problem is that I swim against the current too much and try to fight something until I realize it's really not worth the fight.

And now I just kinda wait around for something to happen instead of trying to make it happen. I have no enthusiasm to dance around with one fist in the air or get into a circle pit at shows anymore. I've tried with little success of being able to keep up anymore. I have more of a voice, but less to do with it. I have more to argue, but less to prove.

Who knows? Maybe life ain't so bad if you try to live it once in a while...just maybe, though...it's not for certain...but is anything for certain these days?

And to think...I'm still only 18...