what's been bothering me.

3

I am sorry this a sad blog and if I have problems keeping it organized thought wise. I ask that you please bear with me through this.

As everyone knows I have a sevice dog ( Kirby). His purpose is because like many here, I suffer from major depression disorder and anxiety. There have suicide attempts in the past, many years ago. This steams from military service and later 3 divorces and now my soon to be 14 year old son living in Washington State with me in Ohio. I have seen him 1 week in the last I think it is 6 years. My memory is crap, doctors say its do to the stress and depression. It could be the head injuries to.

While in the military I suffered the first back injury. It took a while to get better but finally it did start it improve. 9 years after getting out of the military I became a nurse and after 7 years into the career I started suffering multiple back injuries. These continued and the depression got worse and worse. I ended up getting the last divorce and, well I ended up medically retiring from work 2 1/2 years ago. Due to my back and not being able to concentrate on anything. The concentrating factor and being a nurse is a bad combination when it comes to patient safety!

OK so that's the past! The veterans administration has me classified as unemployable and that gives me enough money to live on. Of coarse I am still fighting social security, but the lawyer says he is feeling confident after the string of latest events.

NOW IT GETS WORST! My back is still doing bad matter fact it is worst. It is to the point that in September I will be 49 and they got me using a cane. I fell last year and busted 3 ribs due to numbness in my legs. Now it feels like knives stabbing my feet at times.

But I can live with my back getting worse, however this next item over shadows all my problems! I found out a week ago that my sister the doctors believe has major cancer! We will know more about it by the end of the month! I have talked to my pysch Dr and such, but as you can imagine my depression and anxiety have went through the roof.

So if I talk crazy or confused here in the near future please forgive me! Thank you, I needed to get this off my chest and let everyone know where I might be coming from if things get even more crazy around here.

Thank you Nighthowler

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nighthowler:
Depression and anxiety can be very difficult at times to handle @kimberly__. Yesterday was a rough day for me. I had a cousin die the day before, that as a child I was close to and, also yesterday it was my youngest sons birthday. He is 2000 miles away so all I could was mail a gift to him and call him. My sister they think they got all the cancer out for now, but she is high risk for it to come back of course. While like I said I am not suicidal now look at Robin Williams he suffered from the same then got diagnosed with Parkinson's disease and then committed suicide. Living on an edge: at times can barely start to explain things I think. That's why I do not work hard for a nurse to concentrate and have peoples lives in there hands when they are having so many problems them self. For there are days I do not think straight. Do not sleep or sleep to much. Bad eating habits and so forth. It even led to the last divorce, due to she could not handle it and it was not as bad then. I do not know if I will ever remarry because of my condition and the stress it would put on a relationship, even though otherwise I feel I am a "good man". That is just how it is a guess.
nighthowler:
I do not want pitty party I am just stating facts. I am trying to learn to accept them and go on. Today will get together with my one true friend in life of 23 years and go fishing this evening into tonight. Fishing is my escape even though it will play hell with my back along with my dog, cat and tropical fish.

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