Thursday Oct 19, 2006

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why not a mini-update, hmmm?

so i got some balls and filled out the application to be a suicide girl....and i was accepted. shocked so now i find myself wondering if i should really go through it all the way. it does seem like a lot of fun. but i think i'm still kinda scared to do it 'cause i've never did anything like that before....
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coldfusionx:
Thats Great! I knew your would get accepted! Even if you dont decide to do it, at least you know you could have smile

Good luck with the job and congrats on the Joan Jett tickets! smile smile

Saturday Oct 14, 2006

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coldfusionx:
You should really apply; you are incredibly sexy and beautiful smile

Thursday Oct 12, 2006

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tough day yesterday. i found myself falling back on old habits.

i've been looking for a new job. boy it's tough.

still not sure where i'll be moving to next year.

trying to stay positive though. trying.

coldfusionx:
Looking for a new job is always rough, don't give up hope. Remember be fair to yourself, the economy sucks and work is hard for everyone to find. Keep your chin up, you will find something. smile

Monday Oct 09, 2006

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doing a little bit better today. i got to hang out with my friends this weekend. i got to be with my darling andrew this past saturday and craig and patty this past sunday. it was good to see people and vent. i feel that i'm recovering just a little.

*little sigh*

i want to do some photos. i want to take pictures of myself...
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coldfusionx:
Im glad to hear things are going better smile I can't wait to see the alice cooper costume are you going all out for it? Or is it a rental?

Wednesday Oct 04, 2006

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better day today.

the morning started off kind of shitty. i went to the free clinic to see if i could find someone to talk to. all they did was send me to another clinic on the other side of where i live. whatever

i was walking towards the other clinic when a friend drove by. he saw me walking and pulled over. he took me...
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coldfusionx:
Im glad your day turned out better smile

Tuesday Oct 03, 2006

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hard day today.

i tried to distract myself but it was virtually impossible. i went for a long walk, but it didn't help. it was hard to get a hold of my friends. everyone is working or busy. i tried calling my peeps but no one was home....which kind of sucks 'cause i really wanted to talk to someone.

i haven't gone to work in...
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Saturday Sep 30, 2006

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saturday night and i'm stuck at home. :/ i can't get a hold of anyone and i've got nothing to do or anywhere to go. don't you hate when that happens? i feel like i'm blowing a perfectly good weekend. i really want to go out too, especially since i've been so down.

maybe i'll just sit around and strum the guitar for a while....
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coldfusionx:
Did you at least have fun surfing? smile
coldfusionx:
That sounds pretty sweet, old AC kicks ass...I found some vintage Megadeth videos that I rocked out to last week...Old videos kick ass! wink

Thursday Sep 28, 2006

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okay so let me go into more detail than my last post, because it seemed incomplete.

i was diagnosed with depression a long long time ago. i started cutting myself when i was 12 years old and have been doing it ever since. i'm not one of those people who cuts themselves to see if they're "still alive" or "to feel the pain." no, i...
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coldfusionx:
Do you think maybe one of your bosses would let you go to therapy on once every other week? You might luck out and they might be understanding, everyone needs some therapy about something at somepoint smile

I just turned 30 last spring so I know what you mean, but I really dont feel any different, I think you are as young as you want to be wink
coldfusionx:
I'm glad to hear that smile

I think you will feel ALOT better when you do, and maybe they can help you stop hurting yourself.

Tuesday Sep 26, 2006

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feeling unloved, unappreciated, and unmotivated.

*blah*

i thought i'd be over this funk i've been in for a few weeks now. i had a good show with my band. i have this little gig in the mornings. i'm getting more hours at work. so how come i've felt so icky for so long? i just don't get it.

i feel like an old maid.
whiteyford:
If you feel depressed, maybe you ARE depressed. As much as I loathe to give advice like this...maybe you should see a medical professional. I make it through the ups and downs of my life by lots of exercise and trying to just stay active but sometimes you just need a little helping hand.

c'mon dig yourself out of that rut!!! I'll cheer you on, how's that?

+wf+
coldfusionx:
Im sorry things are going so rough lately...I know those feelings, if you ever want to talk drop me a message. I may not have the answers but I am a good listener.


I agree with whiteyford
If you feel depressed, maybe you ARE depressed. As much as I loathe to give advice like this...maybe you should see a medical professional.



Depression can be serious if you let it go for to long; there are a lot of places that you can get help for free and anomalously. Maybe you just need someone to talk to or a change of pace or a new routine to liven things up a bit smile

Thursday Sep 21, 2006

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my i haven't been here for over a week. i got busy with work and caught a bit of a cold that slowed me down for a few days.

on the plus side, i got an extremely part-time gig in the mornings / early afternoons working with a booking agency. the book mostly old skool punk and metal bands (yay!). i get to work with...
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coldfusionx:
Sounds like your in for a great weekend / week smile Hope everything goes great!
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