nicoleblythe

I don't vent in a a very healthy way most of the time. This one's pretty safe though.

I'm one of those people that's hard to keep in touch with, in a way, flaky if you wanna call it that. I hate it, but old habits are hard to abandon. Ahhgg, I haven't seen my grandma in years, 6, 7, 8, can't even remember, have spoken to her maybe once this year so far. Yet she's the one who was there with me the first six years of my life, those personality forming years in your life. I got a voicemail from my mom today saying my "abuelita" had passed on this morning. It was expected, I was so numb the first few hours, I actually felt heartless. I went back to sleep.
I'm the worst at vocalizing my emotions, hence unhealthy coping habits. I dreaded calling back my mom as well as my brother. I never know the right words to say. Especially feeling numb and mind being blank. Got back to them five hours later and talking with them definitely brought on some silent tears.
I still feel weird by her passing and not being sure how to react. I feel like such a hypocrite, crying now yet not calling or visiting when I had the chance. The one thing that comforts me is knowing she's resting now. Te quiero mucho abuelita.