nicoleamaniac

Reading over my last blog I realize that I sound like a cunt. I don't like that.

The simple fact is this, when I moved here and decided to completely change my life, my views on marriage turned negative. Instead of looking at my husband as a positive, motivating half to my relationship I viewed him as a hinderance to my growth. He didn't want to leave the house or lead a healthier lifestyle. It seemed that he didn't exist unless I was there to tell him which way was up. The first few weeks I was in Florida was a huge emotional rollercoaster for me and I had to re-evaluate everything I knew.

Long story short, after laying all my cards on the table I knew that I couldn't stand to be someone's wife anymore. I could barely stand on my own two feet much less support everything for the both of us. I wanted to care about my needs solely and felt (feel) that I deserve that much after this long.

I feel that if I don't learn how to be on my own now and be comfortable in as much of myself as one can be...that any relationship platonic or otherwise will continue to fail. I feel in ways that I am contributing to my own demise living for all of these other people. It's draining. It's driving me insane.

I just want someone to ask me what my favourite movie is and actually know.

I just want to be happy. One day at a time. :]]