I got a little stomach bug which happily timed itself on my half week off. The guys at the tattoo shop are all in different cities this week (jealous) so it's it has been a nice little break in a newly hectic schedule.
Now that it's been a few weeks settling in I'm back to thoughts of the future and my silly brain is running a little too hard. I've found it's possible to be bothonest immensely patient and desperately impatient at the same time.
So far as career goes, it'll happen when it happens. ..and I'll be ready. I've traveled so I know I can handle that part. The bit that gets me is not having a little family of my own to make proud. I don't necessarily mean children. I mean a significant other, and the close friends that I don't get to see very often.
I worry that my reluctance to trust someone with my heart will only become more prevalent as I achieve my goals. I've been a man with a plan for a while now so motivation certainly isn't a problem. I don't understand being attracted to success. It's just something I've never taken into account when becoming interested in someone.
I get that I'm tough to get close to sometimes but that's usually just because I don't feel comfortable yet. Maybe it's because I don't make people guess what I'm thinking. ..from what I hear that's rare. Maybe that's scary but I definitely don't get it if it is.
I think people need to watch more old Hollywood movies and listen to old timer's love stories. People have been falling in love since the beginning of time. Have confidence in at least your own feelings. Be smart, sure. ..but dear lord let someone like me know. As a gentleman that's the only door I let a woman open first. In an era of private messages and unsolicited dick pics. ..I'm just trying to be your friend and confidant. .. to show I have a big heart and let you know I'm here. To earn trust before I get inadvertently swatted down with all the buzzing flies. Most importantly it's to learn who you really are so I can see if it's right to go forward. But damn. ..don't put it all on me to do.
Let me be the one who feels desired and fought for. ..for once. Let me feel like it's because you want me. ..not what you think I have.
Anyway. ..I'm not sad. Just thinking. I'm very very used to being solo and I'll keep doing what I'm doing regardless. I just feel like an awful lot of people put in minimal effort to keep others around for when it's convenient.
I'm smart enough in my years to know the difference but I'll still love you anyway. It's just how I'm built. It's just an awful lot to carry around. (For the record. ..there is no "you"...I'm just speaking to the wind)
Keep it simple. đź’‹
