So during this week of much struggle I recieved an invite for a reiki treatment. I had the opportunity years ago to go to one but I declined politely while being quietly dismissive. Well. ..this time I said yes and I have to say that I'm amazed. Now. .I knew nothing about any of this type of practice so I figured it best to relax and approach it similarly to how I go sit for hours during a tattoo. . Clear my mind and relax. Soon after she placed her hands on my head I began seeing a deep calming purple color. ..which turned green (normally when I'm trying to close my eyes to sleep I see reds, orange and yellows). ..and I felt almost a slight headache between my eyes. ..as she moved to other chakras the color dissipated but I felt energy flowing. ..similar to normal relaxation for most I'd assume but due to constant pain I'm usually unable to. I felt a tension and stiffness in my wrists when she moved on. ...the feet were the most releasing and it was strange. She said afterwards that they shook (a common thing apparently) but I felt completely still. There was much we discussed afterwards but she asked if I would be interested in continuing. ..and to possibly give me my first attunement. Apparently I'm very receptive to it. I'm not sure what everything means but I feel remarkably better. Yes my back still hurts but only where the ruptured disk is. ... my soreness is down about 60 percent which is amazing to me. I guess stress really does fuck you up. She also recommended tai chi. All I can say is I feel like this is the right direction to follow. ..and that it will not only help me physically and mentally but free my mind to create again. ... connect with people better. ..and regain confidence that I've lost through the trials of the past 6 or 7 years. Still sounds kinda silly even to me but. ..none of the commonly accepted avenues have done a damn thing but cost me a lot of money. ..make me sick. ..and kick my ass. So here's to opening my mind and not being such a hardass.