So I have an appointment with an orthodontist this week that could possibly lead to permanent dentures. That's not the news but it has been traumatic to wonder why no matter how hard I took extra steps to be hygienic things kept going downhill.
So rewind 4 years for a little history. ..I broke my back. ..minor but it ruptured a disk badly, couldn't walk, blah blah blah. So during that recovery I start experiencing random swelling...very drastic in my joints, nerve pain, skin felt hot etc etc. ..no real diagnosis just "here, take these pills that don't do shit, and don't call us in the morning" type of experience. K...so I learn to deal. It comes and goes. .. I go to work, do my best. ..tough shit out.
Fast forward again. .. so I get attacked by a very privileged relative for the assistance my family has given me over this time period. ..which prompts her brother to call me in order to apologize. ..we talk about a lot and I come to find out that angioadema runs in my family... I'm likely missing a protein (tests forth coming) ...and as expected. ..treatments are highly ineffective (go legal weed...please! ) and. ...it's known to cause severe issues with oral inflammation ...so hooray its not my fault with the teeth. ..less shame. ..whatever.
Well. ..this week all these issues have decided to hang out and kick the shit out of me, I pinched my sciatic nerve (yeah the back thing that they put off surgery on) ...and I've told none of any of it to the woman I'm totally in love with. .. because she's got her own things to worry about. (Oh. .btw...that's a "I love you too, so much. ..and I even want a future with you. ..just need to get some things in order first" situation. ..so she's not "my girl"). I'm tired, scared as fuck (because yeah. ..insurance is bound to deny deny deny) , and fuckin heartbroken that life is getting in the way of me being able to move on with my goals and get out of Colombus and Ohio in general.... and you know what? There's not a single person I can show this emotion to. Not one. So I'll laugh I guess. And be a tough guy. Because sadness and fear equals weakness right? Makes people uncomfortable.
so anyone who questions my commitment to art /tattooing /creative outlets/friends/ life in general. ..fuck off. ..because I've been powering through all this for 5 years. ..your apprenticeship won't be shit, the hours of driving to see you was worth the break from this, and face it. .. other than a small handful of you. ..most would've fuckin killed themselves after the first year of chronic pain at this level.
This message has been brought to you by my right to feel better and let all this shit out. Thanks for tuning in.