nickherdmann

packing...nervous...

So I havent been back to North Carolina since I left my old life behind. I don't plan on even letting my old friends (who haven't bothered to contact me since I left) know that I'm coming into town. I don't plan on taking that right turn towards my old house. Unfortunately my dad's and sister's homes are both within ten minutes of there but I'll survive.

This trip is about closure. I have no intention of moving back... and hopefully I can finally convey to my family there that they may not see me for quite some time after this. This trip is about meeting new friends. It's about clearing my mind.

A little back story on me... I grew up in Cleveland Ohio. "Normal" family life ended for me at age 7 when my mom took off (she came back after a year but divorced from my dad). Dad was an angry dude for a long time... I could only take 6 years of it until I got myself kicked out. Unfortunately, that split up my sister and I. So I left suburbia and moved in with mom.. just outside the projects. I spent the next 9 years being irresponsible, making mistakes, and convinging my parents that I wouldn't live to see 25.
So then I met my wife. She had been dating a recovering heroin addict (female) that was...well...struggling.
We were both ready to have a better life. We dated for two years then got hitched. It was a fun costume wedding and we were definitely the "fun couple." We moved down south (raleigh area NC) six months after that. New place...new start. I busted my ass cleaning carpets for six months without more than a couple days off and we bought a house. It was during this time that a small crack formed in the relationship... neither of us payed it much mind. We enjoyed the first 2 years in that house. I learned how to be a very good electrician. I made a very respectable living...neither of us noticing that we were slowly growing apart.
Then I got hurt. The docs said it was just muscle strain. It got better. My work hours got a little lighter. She started drinking. A LOT. That's when i accidentally found out about her first affair. We talked it out. I slowly got over it. Then i found out about the credit cards.... 22k worth. So I emptied my accounts...fixed it... switched companies and kept going. I got hurt again... this time I ended up unconcious, face down in a parking lot, covered in my own excrement... Turns out that muscle strain was actually a ruptured disc...bulged into the nerves that control my legs... and I tore my shoulder in the fall.
It wasnt workman's comp. My job kept me on as long as they could... but just wouldnt fire me. Then I found out about the boyfriend back in cleveland and her plan to move away. I was out of options... so I moved to Columbus Ohio...with mom and stepdad. That was January 3 2011. It took me a long time to walk without assistance and I developed some kind of inflammitory arthritis in my knees and ankles. I'm still legally married. The bankruptcy hinges on her getting off her ass and filing her end of the paperwork... then i can get the marriage dissolved.

So all of that brings me to this. I'm now an artist looking for a tattoo apprenticeship. Columbus hasn't really impressed me all that much to this point. I'm broke other than a bit of savings that is intended to start the apprenticeship. I'm just using what I've got, which is an ability to draw. I lack the education in computer software, photography,.. the proper use of many different types of media. But...I'm trying my best.... I have some great friends that have helped me along the way... I don't expect some "big break" but I could sure use a few little ones.
My life has stalled... I don't know what shorter term goals I should set for myself without a real direction.

I'm hoping this trip shakes things up a bit... clears the dust... gives that final closure on an old chapter. I will do my best to take tons of pictures for you guys... and i will also do my best to come back in a much better state of mind. I'm ready for great things. I'm ready to be happy again.