nickherdmann

i'm preparing to take a number of trips this year that I neither afford to take or not to. By the end of october I need to be in full "lock down and save money" mode as I hope to be moving to hawaii by next year. The gravity of this decision is beginning to hit me as i realize that fter the next couple of months i may never see most of the people i know ever again...or at least not for a very long time. That list isn't packed with people that can afford to fly 4 thousand miles on a regular basis...or maybe they can. All i know that is throughout my life it has always been myself that has made the effort to keep in touch...me who drives hours to see people and calls. It is this revelation that has brought me to my point though... why am I still here... why have i been living for everyone else... and what's stopping me from changing everything?
I figure there has to be a reason why my life has always been so painful and filled with disappointment. I think that reason is that I've always been afraid to take the really big risks. Sure I wold jump down four flights of concrete stairs on wheels, but I wouldn't move to a city where I didnt know anyone to follow my art career when I was younger. Sure I got married, bought a house, cars, and got a career (as an electrician), but when i knew she wasn't right for me I was too afraid to take that life as my own...on my own when i realized that she wasn't right for me.
So now I'm here...back in ohio where i started... injury and my (ex) wife's transgressions have taken everything except for one thing... me. I still have myself. I still have my creativity (which I sadly neglected for far too many years) and somehow miraculously I still have my heart. I've had planty of time to heal the woulds that could be healed and It's time to leave the past behind. All of it. Everything. But I still have no idea how I'm going to make it all happen.