nickherdmann

good times. i need a beer.

it keeps getting tougher to get back up... I feel really bad for shy guys. My experiences must scare the shit out of them. Getting crushed feels so much worse than not knowing what you're missing guys so they dont even try. It's definitely the path of least resistance for sure. But I'm not shy...and i'm certainly no coward. I just keep putting myself out...
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i couldnt help that I fell so hard. Now I'm left here with all these feelings and hopes with nowhere to put them. the little place I once locked things like that away is full. I cant turn it off and it just keeps spilling onto the floor. But i'm not a mess. I'm strong... and I stand fast despite the emotions that would betray...
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I spend far too much time being worried

getting ready for halloween already. It has been a long time since I've had something to do for it so I'm pretty excited. I ordered my costume and plan on making alterations to it... hey, getting my nerd on, cut me some slack.
I'm still in my constant battle to get my career rolling. It took a hit a couple months ago when certain closed...
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so i'm back in ohio... and for the most part my "vacation" was a reminder of why i dont plan on moving back to north carolina. I was smart and didnt drive by the home i used to own... no need for all that. I did however get the chance to see my old best friend from jersey who just happened to be visiting his...
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packing...nervous...

So I havent been back to North Carolina since I left my old life behind. I don't plan on even letting my old friends (who haven't bothered to contact me since I left) know that I'm coming into town. I don't plan on taking that right turn towards my old house. Unfortunately my dad's and sister's homes are both within ten minutes of there...
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It really doesnt take much to keep going in this world... a tiny sliver of hope... the smallest kind gesture... a smile from a pretty girl. I suppose i forget sometimes... sitting here behind my laptop... that I'm not the only one that feels invisible sometimes. Rather than lament on what a miserable shit I can be at times, I'm just going to say thank...
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It is becoming exceedingly difficult to continue putting forth the effort for people and being taken for granted. You can only brush it off and say "well, they're missing out" so many times before you just stop trying. This past month or so has been an endlessly frustrating sequence of events... I really need something to look forward to... something tangible. anything.

The last few days have been filled with thought that i'm not ready to share with you yet.I will however share this... I'm still legally married to a woman that i havent seen in over two years. The relationship has been over for three. the details arent necessary at this point but this day does have a particular significance... it's the day i knew that...
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