It's time for me to give my final goodbye to Wisconsin and the nickname that has followed me since elementary school
A nickname I couldn't control because people thought they were simply being funny. Shame on you for ever thinking that was funny. And shame on everyone else for never being different and telling your friend to just shut up. I do not care for a nickname I didn't even get to pick for myself, let alone not even getting the choice to want to keep it. Others decided that for me.
I wake up every day now knowing I'm beautiful and knowing I deserve to live my life I was given. I wish I didn't try to commit suicide at the age of 18 and put my family through hell, all over a nickname they gave me.
That one fucking word made me believe that I could never be beautiful. Because that ONE fucking word reminded me everyday at school, I would never be beautiful in their eyes.
That word is the ONE reason why I tried to take my own life.
Based only on the fact that I was not successful in my attempt to overdose, I'm now that former student who proved to the entire school board they need to take bullying more seriously.It was a privilege to open my eyes at the hospital and see my mother and sister.
We still to this day, as a family, live with emotional and permanent feelings of how real that moment with each other at the hospital was. How real that phone call was to each of my family members. How those unforgettable images of my mom's baggy and indented eyes from crying, still haunt me.
But not once did my mom blame me. She blamed herself. Thinking she failed as a mother. Thinking she failed to protect her daughter from being bullied. Thinking she failed to keep her daughter happy in life. She had our principal, vice, teachers, and guidance counselors all informed about the cruel behavior and still no results. My mother did everything and more to help protect me from being bullied and not one person took her seriously that she was concerned for the well being of her child.
You acknowledge, I'm acknowledging I made just as many mistakes and said just as many cruel things to classmates throughout my years. Because I'm a human being, who just like you, made mistakes & deserves to be forgiven.
I now know why I was gifted the chance to open my eyes at the hospital and see my mother. I was given that second chance at life to go out and help any female or child who is feeling down about themselves and change their life by giving them hope. Because I once knew a girl who completely lost hope. Any insecurity or doubt about yourself that you might have. . makes you that more beautiful.
I'm that woman who wants to empower any female I can and will do anything it takes to let them know there is hope! I believe someone up above blessed me with beautiful looks..because I deserved it. I always had a beautiful heart...and now a beautiful body and looks to go with it.
If you ever feel like giving up..just know you can always message me and I will do what I can to convince you there is still beauty in this world.
Xoxo, hopeful Nicci :)
