niav

Sometimes I feel lost and I don't know why. Not direction lost, but lost in my head. As though there is something I am missing that everyone else knows about or has figured out.

I've been having a hard time balancing things, just simple little tasks even. I think it's because I don't have a routine anymore. I live day by day, here and there, and some days all I really have to do is hope today will end soon and for a better tomorrow. I havn't been very sucessful doing anything lately.

Man, pity me when I'm old.

For the first time since I was burned by a "best friend" girlfriend, I've started getting pretty close to one of my coworkers. It's kinda hard, I've never trusted females really. I never was a girl giggling arms linked together with her best bud down the halls at school, swapping clothes in the bathrooms with my "sister", or inviting friends to stay the night with me. I had one friend, but she never really got the full picture of me, I wouldn't let her close enough. I think it was just because she was a cast out really.

But now, I honestly think I might. We just get along so well. It's exciting and fun in a childish little way! After being stuck together all day in a not so pleasant environment we still enjoy each other's company. We've even talked about rooming together when her lease is out, I think it would work. I just hope I don't neglect J while being busy with my new friend interest. He's always telling me I'm too needy so maybe it would give him a bit of breathing room he needs. I guess I'll just have to pay extra attention to his mood. (which I don't think I'm very good at )