I'm glad to be home again...I've been gone to Oklahoma City to Red Earth with my boyfriend and his family the past four days! It was a welcomed minivacation for several reasons: 1) I got away from work and all other responsibilities for a few days, 2) I loved the dancing and art! (and my new jewelry) 3) I got to spend time with my love away from all our friends, and away from 'the nemesis'
I hope things between us are getting better, I don't know how much more I can take...aside from emotionally. I worry too much and stress myself out. It's gotten bad lately with the scare, so bad I'm going to have to cut my hair again. *sigh*
At times I feel frail, as though my body cannot withstand the power of my emotions or thoughts. I've been rapidly losing more hair, and although it always grows back in its condition is so distressed that Jason asked me if I had cut it-because I've lost so much. I've done this all my life so it is not new, this is just the most drastic occurance yet... That alone proves to me the profound impact he has on my happiness, that my body deteriorates at the mere thought of losing him. On a lighter note, I'll be able to go funky again instead of glamorous. Not better, but different.
Lastly, I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamt that scientists had learned how to mutate animals so that they became miniatures the size of marbles, and started manufacturing a certain nail polish that the genetically enhanced 'pets' could live in. Girls everwhere went crazy for the new fad, much like that of gigapets if you can remember those! I seemed to be the only person against the animal cruelty. Someone bought me one as a gift, it was a little bunny in magenta pink and silver sparkle polish. I remember holding the bottle in my hand, and suddenly realizing all the harmful side effects these poor creatures were suffering from that everyone just didn't notice before. They were going blind, becoming cripple, suffocating, and terrorized. I have not felt such sorrow and guilt before in a dream as I looked at my precious bunny's down fur all matted with pink polish, eyes blinking in searing pain from the chemicals. It was destitute, begging for mercy in death's peaceful slumber. I clawed at the bottle frantically trying to set it free but could not. The dream then skipped to my arrival back home from my trip to Red Earth. While I as away my brother (in real life and in my dream) had been taking care of my cat, Lemur. I came home and my brother had been starving him. I picked Lemur up, his body felt as though he was about to break into thousands of pieces. Brandon was trying to starve him enough to sell him to these scientists to be captive of one of their new inhumane projects. For some reason I couldn't stop him in my dream, I had to leave my baby with him, and I could not convince anyone to stop him. I felt so devoid of hope. I then broke, and cried. That's how I started my day off this morning, crying over a dream.
I hope things between us are getting better, I don't know how much more I can take...aside from emotionally. I worry too much and stress myself out. It's gotten bad lately with the scare, so bad I'm going to have to cut my hair again. *sigh*
At times I feel frail, as though my body cannot withstand the power of my emotions or thoughts. I've been rapidly losing more hair, and although it always grows back in its condition is so distressed that Jason asked me if I had cut it-because I've lost so much. I've done this all my life so it is not new, this is just the most drastic occurance yet... That alone proves to me the profound impact he has on my happiness, that my body deteriorates at the mere thought of losing him. On a lighter note, I'll be able to go funky again instead of glamorous. Not better, but different.
Lastly, I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamt that scientists had learned how to mutate animals so that they became miniatures the size of marbles, and started manufacturing a certain nail polish that the genetically enhanced 'pets' could live in. Girls everwhere went crazy for the new fad, much like that of gigapets if you can remember those! I seemed to be the only person against the animal cruelty. Someone bought me one as a gift, it was a little bunny in magenta pink and silver sparkle polish. I remember holding the bottle in my hand, and suddenly realizing all the harmful side effects these poor creatures were suffering from that everyone just didn't notice before. They were going blind, becoming cripple, suffocating, and terrorized. I have not felt such sorrow and guilt before in a dream as I looked at my precious bunny's down fur all matted with pink polish, eyes blinking in searing pain from the chemicals. It was destitute, begging for mercy in death's peaceful slumber. I clawed at the bottle frantically trying to set it free but could not. The dream then skipped to my arrival back home from my trip to Red Earth. While I as away my brother (in real life and in my dream) had been taking care of my cat, Lemur. I came home and my brother had been starving him. I picked Lemur up, his body felt as though he was about to break into thousands of pieces. Brandon was trying to starve him enough to sell him to these scientists to be captive of one of their new inhumane projects. For some reason I couldn't stop him in my dream, I had to leave my baby with him, and I could not convince anyone to stop him. I felt so devoid of hope. I then broke, and cried. That's how I started my day off this morning, crying over a dream.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
hecklongtree:
I look forward to telling my grandchildren that, when I was their age, you had to change the TV chanels by pushing button on a remote, instead of by a contraption that directs brain waves!
hecklongtree:
I look forward to telling my grandchildren that, when I was their age, you had to change the TV chanels by pushing button on a remote, instead of by a contraption that directs brain waves!
