nexusdog

Joined an abuse survivors forum today, feels very exposed introducing myself and my history. Then again, it's only been around six weeks that I found out that I was abused as a child myself and the fallout over that and what happened last year has left me shaken to the point that I've made several suicide attempts this year alone.

Another appt with CPN today, now I have a confirmed case worker. Was wondering what the set up was after last visit, so now I know. I go back in 2 wks for an assessment with CPN, a psychologist and psychiatrist over meds and what support they can offer me. I'm still ambivalent about the whole situation, I really do think I'm beyond help, that I'm too damaged.

Feeling stuck now. Social anxiety kicked in big time since my breakdown and the isolation reminds me of homelife as a child, so it's fucking hard work being stuck indoors, it drives me mad, frustrates me that I can't get over my anxiety of being with people.

Jeezus, things these days are so fucking hard, so upsetting and my emotional state is fragile to say the least. Work makes me feel like a child, that I'm not good enough, which is laughable given the abilities of some of the managers we have, yet I can't get to that stage - wtf is that all about!?

Bah...