Ambivalence & going down again
That NDD nonsense got to me in the end. Violated their terms & conditions, which as we all know means you get shut down when you piss off admin for saying something out of line or break rules of conduct. Since no one offered any input as to what it was I'd said, I'm none the wiser, only feel persecuted, censored and victimised.
Toys & spending
Bought myself some new toys to play my PC game with, didn't really help only to destroy my bank balance even further. Think it must be part of my depressive streak - cos I seem to spend like there's no tomorrow when I'm down. I'm in shit street so much I've had to cash some policies in to pay off the debts that are piling up.
Going down
Yeah, going down again, dunno what's caused it, maybe forgetting to take my meds at regular intervals, but I thought I was doing ok with them. Up until about an hour ago I didn't feel too bad, was thinking about how good food and cooking made me feel and then over a period of time, the depression has crept back in.
I'm scared of the bottles of morphine in the house, the tempation is there constantly, all it needs is to get depressed, then drunk then... Perhaps its cos I had two cans of lager earlier that's brought the feeling back, which doesn't surprise me if it is the reason I've started feeling like this again.
That NDD nonsense got to me in the end. Violated their terms & conditions, which as we all know means you get shut down when you piss off admin for saying something out of line or break rules of conduct. Since no one offered any input as to what it was I'd said, I'm none the wiser, only feel persecuted, censored and victimised.
Toys & spending
Bought myself some new toys to play my PC game with, didn't really help only to destroy my bank balance even further. Think it must be part of my depressive streak - cos I seem to spend like there's no tomorrow when I'm down. I'm in shit street so much I've had to cash some policies in to pay off the debts that are piling up.
Going down
Yeah, going down again, dunno what's caused it, maybe forgetting to take my meds at regular intervals, but I thought I was doing ok with them. Up until about an hour ago I didn't feel too bad, was thinking about how good food and cooking made me feel and then over a period of time, the depression has crept back in.
I'm scared of the bottles of morphine in the house, the tempation is there constantly, all it needs is to get depressed, then drunk then... Perhaps its cos I had two cans of lager earlier that's brought the feeling back, which doesn't surprise me if it is the reason I've started feeling like this again.
fenstar:
I'm gonna say it to you only once, suicide is not the way, it's cowardly, and that's saying it from someone who has been tempted by it. The world is full of amazing things, you just have to find them.