06.20 Just decided. She's gonna get Karma'd. I don't care if fear dictated her actions, they were inexcusable and she treated me with contempt, like a complete cunt.
So I've spent the best part of four months, with the wreckage of my former life in tatters around me, swamped out by thoughts of Her and how much I love her still and how angry I've...
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So I've spent the best part of four months, with the wreckage of my former life in tatters around me, swamped out by thoughts of Her and how much I love her still and how angry I've...
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I've just had a nice day.
Odd really, cos I've not really done much other than talk to someone. Sometimes it's hard work because they seem to find it hard to open up and be themselves.Or perhaps they're just naturally reticent or introverted - I don't know that much about them yet to understand them fully.
What's peculiar is the misunderstandings that have happened in...
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Odd really, cos I've not really done much other than talk to someone. Sometimes it's hard work because they seem to find it hard to open up and be themselves.Or perhaps they're just naturally reticent or introverted - I don't know that much about them yet to understand them fully.
What's peculiar is the misunderstandings that have happened in...
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Zoe had a sleep over last night for the first time in a months due to my illness. Still hard work, but it was great having her with me again. Just watching her sleep, it's beautiful to see her at peace.
Ex just dropped son off, now both kids busy into Cbeebies and I am drifting into sleep again, not good but I'll manage I...
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Ex just dropped son off, now both kids busy into Cbeebies and I am drifting into sleep again, not good but I'll manage I...
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Sleep! Finally, some meds that are actually helping me! Mind you, still doing something like 4 hours on, 4 off but at least I'm actually sleeping.
Other meds must be kicking in because there's nothing deep and meaningful to report. Nothing. Nada. No angst or shit like that, I'm just bored and putting off doing the dishes. Even my leg is managable.... the pain still...
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Other meds must be kicking in because there's nothing deep and meaningful to report. Nothing. Nada. No angst or shit like that, I'm just bored and putting off doing the dishes. Even my leg is managable.... the pain still...
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Right, well bollocks to this, I'm off to spend some time with my daughter, she damned well deserves my attention than some of you lot out there. 
Only trouble is, the meds I've been given are still sedating me at odd times and I'm fooked cos I can't drive only sit here like a cabbage while my back gets worse and I drink far too...
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Only trouble is, the meds I've been given are still sedating me at odd times and I'm fooked cos I can't drive only sit here like a cabbage while my back gets worse and I drink far too...
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Things about me...
1. I suffer with depression - 30 year battle, still ongoing
2. I've just had my second nervous breakdown; acute reactive depression, as my doc put it. I don't do stress very well, so it seems.
3. I have a daughter 3, a son 1. This past year, I've missed out on their development due to this illness
4. I have told...
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1. I suffer with depression - 30 year battle, still ongoing
2. I've just had my second nervous breakdown; acute reactive depression, as my doc put it. I don't do stress very well, so it seems.
3. I have a daughter 3, a son 1. This past year, I've missed out on their development due to this illness
4. I have told...
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There now follows a wailing and gnashing of teeth....
No, I managed to sleep, that's not the problem tonight, it's my back. it's making me very irritable because the pain will not dissipate at all, despite the painkillers. Walking it off doesn't work, and theres' only so many times I can walk around the car, y'now... and when it gets so bad like this, I...
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No, I managed to sleep, that's not the problem tonight, it's my back. it's making me very irritable because the pain will not dissipate at all, despite the painkillers. Walking it off doesn't work, and theres' only so many times I can walk around the car, y'now... and when it gets so bad like this, I...
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FUCK! Not a good start to the day.
Insomnia kicked in - didn't sleep at all last night, went to bed at 8am rose at 1pm. Got a verbally abusive email from the fall out from NDD, plus looks like I'm so (un)popular now, people are keeping tabs on me here, I suppose to see if I 'slip up' or show some kind of devious...
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Insomnia kicked in - didn't sleep at all last night, went to bed at 8am rose at 1pm. Got a verbally abusive email from the fall out from NDD, plus looks like I'm so (un)popular now, people are keeping tabs on me here, I suppose to see if I 'slip up' or show some kind of devious...
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fenstar:
how can they keep tabs on you on here...do they have memberships too?
if not, you can put all of your entries as members only.
if not, you can put all of your entries as members only.
fenstar:
somehow I don't think I would be up to scratch for this site, they've got pretty tough standards. I'd also have to work on my body a bit, I've let it go somewhat. 
The NDD saga continues, and it's not nice but then again, that much was going to be obvious. Seems there is someone checking up on me here. Their opinion of SG is that it is a sad, sick twisted site and so am I... go figure which of those statements contains any truth.
So what do I do now? I guess it's a question of...
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So what do I do now? I guess it's a question of...
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How late is this one!? Gonna be well fucked over tomorrow. Grumpy as fuck as well, cos I am well tired but can't/won't sleep, so may as well have a rant as normal.
Or maybe not. I dunno. Just in that bloody zone again... what to do, what to do. Coffee and cigs taste good at this time of the morning, but boy, I need...
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Or maybe not. I dunno. Just in that bloody zone again... what to do, what to do. Coffee and cigs taste good at this time of the morning, but boy, I need...
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