nevaar

my friend bought me The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind for xbox. im addicted now. fucking addicted. i got the him album today too. its good. my life has no direction. like i make decisions that i feel are the right ones for where i want to go but deep down i dont care. every single obligation in my life is handled half-heartedly. tomorrow, instead of goin to class like i should im gonna take every last cent i can get my hands on and drive to atlantic city and put it all on red. some times you just gotta take a shot. sometimes you get the bull and sometimes the bull gets you. SHE is sleeping over again tonight. i love the companionship. she is beautiful. it makes me feel so shallow sometimes tho. we'll be at the mall, for example and every guy will look at her. i feel like im on top of the world. i fuckin ache for her body. no other girl, ever, has made me feel like she does. well maybe theres one other.....

i only keep one shot in my 9mm. it wasnt a conscious decision. its such a beautiful gun. silver with a black grip.
i want to get rid of my soul. i want to lose everything that hides underneath the surface. i want to be mindless and blissful. i want to be a drone.